Oh my, @jerrybanfield it looks like you are stuck with the things in your head. When you would come in my practise, i would wish to be able to make the change in you. First I would ask you to take drops from BACH and for you I would try the chestnut, it will make you able to stop having same thoughts over and over again. and walnut as a pratection for trouble from out of you. :-) Than i would give you a massage in the darkroom, where the only thing what will take your focus is my hands, that will really make you feel like what is in your mind taken out! the choice of essential oils I have too choose on that moment, because it has to fit in what is needed at that moment. But you live to far so I can not offer you that. :-) When you like you are always welcome.
But because that is not possible i will suggest you something else.
You have the permission to have sorrows, we alll have, working out your sorrows, makes you stronger. But give them all a separate name. Now take match sticks and little rags, ask your daughter to help if she can ?:-) also some clay and all you need to make little puppets. You may have 7 sorrow dolls by name, and each one carries one of your sorrows, carrie them arround whit you, and in the evening when you sit down before you go to bed, and the fear of not being able to sleep starts. Take out your dolls, and take each doll, think about the problem , what you have done to stop it, or what you have to do, or what you think should happen. Lay the doll away, and take the next one, do the same till you focused on all things separate. Than see them laying in front of you and tell them and your self you will continue the next day with THEIR problems. Take a glass of wine, or a hot milk. stand in front of a open window, and breith in and out very deeply. with each breath one doll in mind. Think how you want tomorrow to be. And go to sleep. This could help you Jerry :-) Hope you soon will sleep like a baby next to your wife. Sleep well. I give you a link to wikipedia, about the worrie dolls try it! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Worry_doll