Some of you must have insights I don't. Yesterday, I was having a casual conversation with a close friend of over two years when somehow we got off onto discussing some of the lies that agencies like NASA put out. From there, we delved into related topics and speculations about which things are actually true and which are false. I'm older and a lot more experienced than my friend, mainly because I've never outgrown the desire to ask questions. Because of my experiences and personal research, several of my own, current, personal beliefs are what you would call "non-mainstream" at least, but many would even laugh and insult me--which they do.
Anyway, this friend is a beautiful young woman in her mid 20s and I just turned 42. We've had a close friendship since we met so we can and do talk about pretty much everything. As we delved into this topic of why an agency and even governments would lie or hide truth from us, she became more and more interested and asked many questions. By the time she had to leave to meet a client, she said that she couldn't stop thinking about it all. It really was a great discussion and a breath of fresh air. Most people either don't want to discuss/think about such things, or they will attack and ridicule--not open at all. To have this open-minded discussion with a friend I know and care about meant a lot to me.
This morning, as I was waking up, I recalled a vivid and powerful dream--something I often do. In this dream, my friend was with me in some type of place that had many areas, almost like rooms, and we were moving from place to place. Suddenly, we decided to stop and looked at each other directly, and then started kissing deeply and passionately. I remember feeling a bit concerned in the dream because others were around, but at the same time, it felt wonderful. I felt strong power and energy, but at the same time a deep connection and some type of practical side to it--almost like it was something that we should do or must do.
After that, we moved into the next area and then stopped yet again to do the same thing: more deep kissing. This happened several times and each time it always seemed as if at least one person was nearby who was trying to observe. Nevertheless, each time I felt the same power and amazing sensations. I wanted to keep kissing her, however, and brushed aside the fact that someone was standing nearby and focused on what we were doing.
When I woke up, I couldn't stop thinking about it all and decided to look up these things to better understand what possible meanings there are. I would be lying to say that I don't have any "real-world" feelings for my friend. She really is a great young woman and has grown up a lot since we met and became friends. Currently, I have a girlfriend of over a year and a half, but our relationship has been mostly one of necessity and familiarity, and has always lacked the kind of passion and feelings that I crave.
The timing of this dream makes it difficult for me to interpret. We had a deep discussion yesterday about something she never thought about--but now is resonating with. However, I have often felt like we are closer than we realize, which seems to show in body language and our affection for one another. With this particular series of events, I'm not quite clear about which path is the one to step foot on. I love and care about my girlfriend and truly want her life to be the best it can, but when I think about a lifelong commitment, we just aren't at that point, and I wonder if we ever will be. My friend, however, is difficult to read, and there is also a cultural difference--which I believe is what shows in the dream as well, but I will leave that for another time.
Thank you for your thoughts--I will read them all.