Thank you for the heartfelt reply. I tend to focus on how much I have changed since the illness hit as that is the topic up for discussion most of the time. And you are right this drawing was from me as I was not in psychosis at the time. I am in my normal right mind for about the next two weeks. It works on a set schedule with the medication. I get injection on say a Tuesday and until Friday will be in a deep depressive state, Friday starts a two week journey into normal thinking, the third Saturday starts a slip into anxiety and odd thoughts, by Sunday I am in psychosis until the injection about a week later. I get half of my time back with medication. I will take it because that's life. But I love your insight and how you were able to distinguish the conscious from the subconscious just by viewing the different pieces. My subconscious is more confident in form where my conscious knows I have a lot more room to improve. Thank you so much for noticing the difference between the two!!! Made my day. As most people only call me out when I am in psychosis. It nice to say yes hey it's me and I am here today.
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Hi Kristy: I think this is because I see the "brain" issue in a slightly different way. Anyhow, there is not "you in psychosis". There is a moment when all the "objects" in you are playing like ones, like a chorus (where you say you are not in psychosis) , and the moment where this components aren't able to (then you are in psychosis). So "you are you" also when in "psychosis": is just someone in the chorus starts singing louder, and all the others are stopping somehow. But, all that voices are inside each and every human.
So, it is still you. Of course you go in a depressive state when you take this: most likely what you take is something to stop serotonin/dopamine path. With the result you are going to block the "reward system" in your brain.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reward_system
But this depression , again, is not "you". There is not "two", there are two behaviors of the same amount of objects into the brain, as everybody else.
I can see that. I can tell I am still me but it's more of an out of body experience. Like something does seperate or go somewhere. I described it once as being on the backseat while someone else drives your body and you can only watch from a distance or try to enjoy the ride. Everyone has voices within them but the voices I hear are predominantly male, talk gibberish, and really dark and demonic. There is one good neutral female voice and the psychologist tried to say that was my voice fighting back to be heard but she doesn't sound like me or my normal thoughts. The voices tend to come and go but I don't think will ever fully leave. I have more visual halluniciantions and the negative/cognitive symptoms of the illness. I will post something on it one day. But people tend to focus on the positive symptoms of the illness. The disabling part of the illness is the negative symptoms and cognitive decline. I try to remain active in conversation and learning to fight these two aspects.
I understand. I agree the issue is the cognitive decline, but this is also a matter to "remain active", as you say. So I wish you remain active, and don't lose hope.
The objects you have in mind could also be reflections of people.
When you talk with someone, your brain builds an image if him inside. So you talk with the image of him inside you, not really with this person outside. So many objects could also be "images" of people. The brain tries to replicate reality inside , so that lot of things inside are actually copies of what is outside.
The voices will not go just like anyone has voices. The point is that "consciousness" means being expert of itself: if you lose this expertise , you cannot silence them, like everyone else is doing.
I think art could help you even more: think to have a school, it is a very good exercise about dissected mind. Also self-portraying could be a good exercise IMHO.
I have found art does help untangle my brain in a way. The release calms me. Enjoy your day and I like your viewpoints. They seem very educated.