There is so much happening in my head. It actually feels heavy. Like there is thick, brown sludge swilling around in there. I can’t make sense of anything and can’t see through anything. Everything is always so bloody unclear, and even when I think it makes sense, I can’t trust myself to believe it. It seems too easy, what if I am wrong? The consequences will be unbearable. I can’t let myself feel the things I want to feel which might allow me to enjoy parts of life. Yet, I find myself completely submerged in feelings that I don’t want at all. I tempt myself into feeling the things I know will lead to pain and suffering because I feel it is what I deserve. How am I supposed to get out of this cycle? Anything that might be good for me, I am too scared to do because if I fail, what will I be left with?
At work, overwhelmed yet apathetic to anything I should actually care about
VM
Original post: https://violetmoon.live/2016/04/