Great article - I can relate to a lot of that. I had a ton of addictions and impulses. Gambling, alcohol, sex, pornography, drugs and a lot of it for me was to feel alive. To push that self-hatred down as far as I could and feel more of the rush from the other stuff.

What helped me was working on the self hatred. As soon as that began to heal then the need to "feel the rush" and suppress my emotion became lighter - until I gave it all up. You might think I'm lying but I did. All gone.

But it was because I asked for help, and every day I was like, ok, what barrier now? Lets tackle this fucker. And sometimes I wanted to run. Run far away and hide and cry, but I always had someone I could talk to. It helped