Sorry to hear you deal with such difficulties. I feel like I have similar thoughts on an almost daily basis. It's not fun. I wish I could just magically change my thinking to be more positive, but.. I feel like I'm trying to be honest and look at he world the way it is, not the way I'd like it to be. Though.. I do realize hope and optimism are really important as well. It's a strange weird balance to try to find between them all. I found this post cause of what you meantioned on discord about thinking of quitting steem and I just scrolled down your wall and I dunno if the two are related, but.. I hope things have improved for you and I hope they improve more soon. If you ever want someone to talk to, I'm around.