yeah man I get what your sayin, chip away at it day to day instead of lettin stuff build up to where you gotta work flat out at something.
you gotta have stuff to look forward to otherwise whats the point like lol but i seem to live day to day or in the moment and barely plan at all. workin on improving it though.
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That first part sounds valid from all I've heard. The crazy thing for me, I tend to do almost everything 'in serial' not 'in parallel' not 'multi-tasking' ... I'd say I'm most productive when I can focus on something and see it through, not 'piecemeal' like we're trained to do by so many institutions these days! ... That 'context switching' for me robs me of momentum, takes time to drop one task to start another, but maybe that's just me.
The second part about plans ... great when they work out ... technically, it seems only the simplest of plans have a good chance of working out, and simple plans are not necessarily deeply, existentially satisfying. However when 'life-fullfilling' plans don't work out, it could really leave one wishing they lived more 'in the moment' or worse case, nihilistic!
So yes my friend, on close examination, that's the problem ... How we go about 'squaring that circle' is the story of each and every one of our personal lives!
yeah man I hear you. I like to get 'in the zone' with one thing too like writing for instance. some people can think of rhymes all day while their doing stuff but for me, it doesnt happen until I sit down with a pen and pad and a beat, and start writing till Im pure focused on that one verse. I find that way much more enjoyable too.
I always avoid taking on tasks like doing a course or whatever that would take up to 6 years because it may not work out in the end and it couldbe a massive waste of time.
at the same time, by not planning life I am just rapping, playing games watching tv, like im on a predetermined plan by default which Im sticking at without thinking about it, but without actually planning it if it fails its no biggie in a way.
Now that you mention it, I too am now on that 'default route' you mention (cool insight btw!), mainly because I'm just coming off one of those 'five year plans' that never gained any traction and after about four years was downright painful. ... First time in my life I'm able to indulge myself for a few years in the curiosity of "What happens if I just live my life in the moment day by day for now?" Could be, any outcome planned or not could be a disaster or a triumph depending on how one looks at it afterwards!
thanks man, sorry to hear that 5 year plan didnt work out, thats my worst fear regarding that type of thing and probably why i dont do one but at least you tried it and now you know the outcome of doing that, you are older and wiser now i suppose
the default route is fun, cuz you can indulge yourself and enjoy things and all, but it doesnt hurt to know where its going. i barely thought about that before but the last month i have began to structure my days and ive become really productive as far as music goes so its a big step forward for me
it was going well, until I started looking into spirtual stuff there a couple weeks ago and got off track. like the 'sacred secretion' which is apparently a dmt rich fluid you can make your brain produce, and occult teachings and stuff. when somethings really interesting plans kind of go out the window to do more research lol
Yeah, I'll take failure over not trying ... the thought of letting it all slide without giving it a shot, I heard from a number of sources that's the shit that causes regrets later in life...
Someone else told me for us creative types, it's like drilling for oil, put down as many boreholes in the best spots as possible, all it takes is one gusher...
Then someone else said being a creative type and not doing creative things is one of the worst cases he sees in his clinic ...
So I would say it's still better not hitting the gusher than not going for it ...
But you do need to allow yourself room to grow ... a day off every once in a while to stretch out is necessary, too.
Yeah some of that self examination leads to all sorts of blind spots ... like the self doesn't really exist, one needs to create it, not 'discover' it ... The best way to 'create it' is to fully engage in your interests...
thats a really interesting analogy man, drilling for oil, id agree that its better goin for it even if you dont hit that gusher, when i got into music as a kid i was convinced my aim was to blow up and become a mega rich millionaire but over time that kind of changed as i realized it might not happen, im happy just being an underground artist thats putting out dope music and paving the way for future mcs to take irish hip hop further
ive lost around a decade to battling schizophrenia though, so I really struggle with self examination and just the self itself, I dont think I have any sense of identity at all like Im a stranger to myself because Ive been in such altered mind states and lost all sense of who I am in the process so it is very confusing trying to understand it all, or who I am but I hope I figure it out in the years to come.
I kind of have been forced into a 5 year plan now too, I can only get my medication reduced once every 6 months cuz its policy with the team im working with, so to get off it will take a few years if its even possible. coming down one dose has been absolutely crazy, Ive been freaking out while also regaining intelligence and awareness, better conversation skills and stuff like that as I become less doped up. but then symptoms start to appear too, havent got anything done for weeks cuz of it. like you said though better to try, ( to get med free) than to not go for it at all
Yeah, I would bet most artists go through that, thinking as kids they'll get rich and famous, then realizing the hard way of how this world offers so little probability in major success in anything, so then the point is to set smaller goals that lead to a huge legacy later. But the point is to stay on the path you define.
What I find amazing about your situation is that you and I have some of the most lucid yet extensive conversations here. I suppose I'm glad I've never been formally diagnosed, because I see too many folks 'owning' the diagnosis, which I think only helps the entities profiting from that diagnosis.
I suspect I have type 2 bipolar, chronic depression occasionally relieved by moments of hypo-mania, and if anything, somewhere on the autistic spectrum, a Covert Schizoid. That is, I'm not aloof like typical schizoids, but do have 'a rich inner world' which I'd much rather be in more than this extroverted world seems to allow.
The one thing that schizoids have that the other 'schiz' types of diagnosis lack, is a somewhat better sense of telling what's 'real' and what's not ... But especially in the interpersonal domain that's 'iffy' ... For one thing, I feel my depression and esteem issues were directly caused by certain individuals triggering these affects. Sorting through that is a lifelong battle, and not in the least bit easy when one sees 'tough truths'.
These 'tough truths' are at the essence of what you're talking about self-examination, because, it seems we too often accept from others who weakly defend their own ego by undermining yours, 'projective identification', as 'self'. I have gone through those 'out of body' 'de-personalization' states, myself, a most recent really bad one, at, of all places, a family get-together!
As far as my 'meds' I tended to self-prescribe cannabis, my preferred coping mechanism. Alcohol has never been much more than a real downer for me, and I hardly need anymore depression! But now it seems even weed sets me off on a whole manic/depressive cycle for about a week to ten days... Actually even coffee, sugar, and chocolate can bring about the anxious/depression thing that I cope with by getting weed. The result lately being that a lot of the ideas and inspirations in the manic phase is hardly making up for the self-sabotaging aspects anymore, the isolation of depression that sets in after about the third day of 'wake and bake' ...
So if I am to take my own 'mood leveling' serious, I need to get way more disciplined with cutting all sugar, artificial sweeteners, and caffeine out of my diet, as I've gotten rid of most other 'triggers'.