haha 'firstborn', that's hilarious (and almost true on some of these exchanges haha). I'm glad you liked my post! :) Thanks for reading! :)

So, there are a few ways it can be done. I don't know of a way to buy steem with USD straight yet (please, someone reading this, give input if you know of one), but you can get it with BTC pretty easily. One way is:

1. You can navigate to your 'wallet' page and choose 'buy steem' from the dropdown next to your steem balance.
2. This will bring you to the 'blocktrades' page which will have a 'generate deposit address' section which, once selected, will give you the deposit address where you can send whatever amount of BTC you want which will become steem in your account.
3. Send the BTC from anywhere to that address and you will fund your account.

That being said, if you're having issue getting the BTC to do that, you will have to go through an exchange that sells that for USD. I personally have used Coinbase in the past (shying away a bit recently and am moving to Gemini soon, I think), so I'm not sure what the best way would be. I did a quick google search that yielded:

https://www.buybitcoinworldwide.com/en/buy-bitcoin-credit-debit-card/

That being said, always be aware of any site you visit that offers it and make sure it is legitimate (cross-reference other sources and reviews of its legitimacy). Otherwise, I'd recommend googling "how to buy BTC with a credit/debit card' and then look around, cross-reference reviews (feel free to message me/comment on one of my posts if you have questions too :) ) .

I joined Coinbase a little before they required a lot and haven't had any issues in the past, although I've heard some stories about recent changes making it a little tougher there.