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RE: CONTEST – “Write a PHOTO DESCRIPTION” – To celebrate my reaching the F-3000 club (Win 10 SBD, 100% upvotes)

in #contest6 years ago (edited)

My Entry in Writing Contest
When Your Neighbor Turns Out to be a Demon
The picture shows Jim and Gerald. Jim was a jovial policeman. He was once tall and handsome but later he acquired a slightly protruding belly. He lived in countryside with his wife. His brother, Gerald lived in the adjacent house. Gerald was a careless person and a drug addict burdened by heavy loans. Jim helped Gerald several times but he had other responsibilities too. One day Gerald couldn't get any intoxication which bubbled up his anger and frustration. He went to his brother for money but Jim was not there. He asked Akira, Jim's wife, for money. Akira denied but Gerald wanted money so bad that he started threatening her. Akira tried to reason with him but Gerald was boiling up in anger. He punched Akira and she fell back. Gerald threatened Akira again but she didn't move and started hitting her with his foot. Just then, Jim entered and was horrified to see the spectacle before him. Jim took out his gun and shot his brother. Gerald fell on the floor with a loud thud. Jim rushed to his wife but it was too late. She was dead and the baby inside her was kicking 'on the blank walls'.

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Looks good, and reads well, but this is over 250 words. Please revise and shorten it to around 200. Thanks.

Done. Now the text contains exactly 200 words :)

Thanks! I don't wanna hafta go thru a few dozen lengthy tomes ...

All the best to you ;)