Umm I'm really not sure your books would suit me but, for your question I really think you are asking the difference between love and passion. Well "steamy" passion and attraction is just human instinct but "inspirational" love runs much deeper and transcends. Passion is just a fleeting moment but love is eternal.
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Your answer is beautiful and there is not a perfect answer I am looking for. That is why I ask the question. Though I do think happily married people who love and trust each other should have the steamiest sex.