Sometimes (pretty much all the time), it pays to hear. One cannot learn whilst speaking. The attitude which pervades the world towards Muslims is one such case. The cultural, linguistic and heritage we encounter turns our hearing off and we digest sounds. Active listening can provide many solutions which were invisible without this skill - and it is a skill which requires honing.
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Absolutely no arguments from me on these comments. But, I must add, that "active listening" doesn't involve only the ears or comprehending the meaning of spoken words in context.
(As an aside: I should hope that I don't have to add "IMO" to everything that I say, here, but I assure you that I'm not so deluded as to believe that it's anymore than just that - a belief.)
It involves a sensitive awareness of one's own consciousness (all the senses) AND the "input", which those senses perceive - it's a very intimate/ spiritual way to exist. This ties somewhat into what I said in my last comment. When one is deeply aware of themselves (conscious processes) and their surroundings, they can see (sense) how their ego interferes in many ways with getting what one wants from life and/or allowing oneself to be consciously aware of what is their true agenda(s).
What people often discover when they start really listening is how embarrassingly pretentious they've behaved in the past, without ever realizing it. The amazing discovery is that there's a lot more awareness available at any one moment than we had ever noticed in the past and expanding into that available awareness empowers us to glean more and more value (often insight) from the circumstances of every moment, in every way.
The rub is that the more aware we become, the less personable the relatable self (ego) becomes - it tends to slip further and further into the "background" and, over time, becomes forgotten past as "surface (superficially focused) consciousness" is discarded for deeper (more meaningful) insight. One becomes so engaged in perceiving "what is" in the moment that very few resources are left over to write, and maintain, a drama (self). This is what I consider to be the "natural state" - the state at which one's brain is unimpeded by unnecessary anxieties/ irrational fears (ie operating at its highest efficiency) - it's intellectual/ psychological freedom.
All that I've said here might amount to nothing more than hot gas, but it surely seems sufficiently fleshed out in my own experiences to be the most feasible of possibilities/ explanations.
Agree upon what you say ... though one alternative view which we might consider is that when one gets to this level of communication, one should equally realise that the experience should be relevant and engaging for both or all, depending upon the forum. Hence, one needs to ensure that engagement is a two-way/multi-way street. Be entertaining and enjoy the experience!
watch Black Mirror S03E01
both of you