Nope @svashta, most of this was not fiction. This is something I continually struggle with. I had the urge to write it out here. I'm glad I did. I've never written it out like this before, as a dialog between two people. It was a fun exercise.
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Damn. I don't know what exactly to say to you.
It's not true, that you're worthless, or whatever such. It's not true you can't get what you want. What is true, however, is that life isn't always rainbows and unicorns. It isn't about being easy, either. And when you need to reflect on yourself what you're doing wrong, it sucks ass. But when you do... I promise you it gets better.
You just need to be honest with yourself. 100%. No illusions. No lies. No "There's nothing I can do".
It takes real grit to get things done. It sure as hell does.
But there's fun in that too. The road to success is half the fun, if not all the fun. ;D
I wish you all the best, and please know that if you whenever wish to have a talk, I'm available.