Well I decided it was time to get back into shape. I been sitting around doing not much of anything for far too long. My lazy period has ended ... enough is enough. I jump up and set up my bench and get my curl bar ready while grand illusions start flooding in on how I was going to work out none stop and get back into shape. ... . but not today as today is just prep day.
After I get all my equipment set up I begin to think about what else I need. Creatine ... Test Boosters ... Shakes ... Nah, I don't need that stuff I will just eat a little healthier and hit the weights that will be plenty. To google I go ... foods that are high in protein. I begin to make a list .... Nuts .... Fish ... Beans. ....... Beans... hmmm ... I never ate them in a long time. Do I even like them ? They are cheap ... Beans it is ... lots and lots of beans.
I hand the list to my wife and let her know my plan. Lucky for me she was on her way out to spend my hard earned money regardless so my request for her to spend more of it wasn't an issue.
She heads to the superstore / grocery store / mall ... nail salon and who knows where else before coming home and informing me she picked me up my beans but wasn't sure what kind I wanted. She proceeds to ask me if I want her to make me some to see if I like them. At the time that sounded like a good Idea so I say yes.
She proceeds to cook me these beans and brings them out to me. They were nothing fancy just straight out of the can beans with some wieners in them. I give them a taste and they tasted exactly like I thought ..... not very good but edible. I get about half way into the bowl when I hear my tummy growling. Oh, No ... I know what that sound means. Something was about to erupt.
I spend the next 40 minutes in the bathroom. Those 40 minutes felt like an eternity. Lucky for me the wife just finished placing our tissue she just bought into our bathroom. The roll that was on the roller was just about empty. So I reached for another to replaced it and when I did, I couldn't believe my eyes. I burst into laughter in the bathroom after being in there for 40 minutes due to the bean incident.
........................
............
My wife hears my laughter .... " Are you ok in there ... You been in there for a long time and now your laughing really loud ". I respond, " YES " , while trying to contain my laughter at the toilet paper my wife had purchased. ... Shit Be Gone ... Seriously ... WOW ...
After I am finished my business and other bathroom details that I won't bore or disgust you with I pick up the Shit Be Gone and confront my wife. " Where did you get this. It's hilarious ". She looks at me and says, " The same place I got your beans. The discount Store ". It was at this very moment I noticed the can of beans she bought me and after seeing the label I completely understood why I was in the bathroom for almost an hour. Brace yourself ... the image is below ....
...........................
.............
Holly Efffing Shit .... ( No Pun Intended ) ..... she bought me beans with the name Shitto on the can from the discount store ( what-ever that is ). I look her dead in the eye and ask her why in the blistering hell did she think it was a good Idea to buy me something that tells you right on the can that you will be visiting the bathroom directly after eating it. I mean its called Shitto for crying out loud. Her response .... " Well, it was on sale and beans are beans ".
..................................
Disclaimer :
This story is 100 % fabricated
...................
This has been an entry into
Comedy Open Mic Comedy - Round 31.
As per contest rules I must nominate two other Steemians.
My two nominations this week are @goldmattersand@shortsegments
Let's Get You Noticed
Free Upvotes / Resteems & More !
Comedy Open Mic Comedy - Round 31.
As per contest rules I must nominate two other Steemians.
My two nominations this week are @goldmattersand@shortsegments
Free Upvotes / Resteems & More !
Hi rentmoney,
Thank you for your entry in to #comedyopenmic comedy contest. We have asked the judges below to review your entry and give it a funny rating. (They generally have no sense of humor, as the saying goes, those that can't do, start contests and judge).
This will determine your ultimate position when the results are tallied. (That being said, you are free to adopt any position you wish - we can recommend pantsless with beer in hand.)
Judges:
If you have any questions or queries please feel free to contact one of the judges or come say hi in discord: Click Here
Thank you to @matytan for the great banner
Thanks !
Beans!
Beans, beans, they're good for your heart. The more you eat them, the more you fart, The more you fart the better you feel. So eat your beans with every meal.
Rent, that’s a load of shit to deal with in one day. 😂
It certainly was ... LOL !
I bet Sichuan spicy hotpot will produce the same effect! XD
Any product with the name Shitto would.
This is too much shit for one man to handle.
It was a shitty day !
Congratulations @rentmoney! You have completed the following achievement on the Steem blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :
Click on the badge to view your Board of Honor.
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPIf you wanna take your shit to next level try this :
https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-SUGAR-Classic-Gummi-Bears/dp/B006J1FBLM
go through the review .. some happy customers :D
WOW ... thanks for linking that.
Good god, I hope that wasn't true.
Great story!
I made it all up on the cuff. I knew I wanted to use the Shit Be Gone and Shitto images and just created a story around those two pictures.
well I never! you potty mouth
I got some extra cans of those beans. You want me to ship you some :P
You had me goin there, this was hilarious!😂 tho im kinda disappointed it didnt really happen 🙄
Posted using Partiko Android
Shit, I'm not .... the bathroom scene sounds like it might be painful.
😂😂😂 well no "shit"
No Shit or .... holy shit :P
in Japanese it is "Hory Shit"
I figured it was a load of crap. Great story
Yeah, I was bullshitting.
I was wondering what that smell was
I wasn't going to say anything but I thought the smell was coming from you.
We should ask your wife if she smells anything funny
I think it would be easier for me to ask yours since she is lying right next to me. Your wife makes lovely pancakes.
#KING
That's most likely your stalker in bed with you right now since I'm not nor have I ever been married. See what happens when you put your junk where it's not supposed to go.
You may want to watch the movie "Fatal Attraction" and if you have any pets, you may want to temporarily re-home them. Just saying 🙄
You're sure the story was fabricated?
Haha
Just kidding
I guess all beans are equal, but some are more equal than others (a line I adapted from animal farm)
That's my story and I'm sticking to it :)
In the word of Clay Davis from 'The Wire' Sheeeeeeeeeeeetttt!!!
Ha ha, great makey upy story! Recycled toilet paper... No shit!!
Thanks .... Recycled toilet paper for the win ... Your prize a can of Shitto :P
This post was shared in the Curation Collective Discord community for curators, and upvoted and resteemed by the @c-squared community account after manual review.
Awesome ... thanks for your support.
Hahaha, great story!! I thought it really happened to you until I read that it was your entry to open mic!! I wonder where you got the inspiration :D something similar happened to you already? :D
No I made that story up on the spot. I basically had the " Shit Be Gone " and " Shitto " images and wanted to create a story around them. It turned out better then I expected.
You must be a funny guy to hang with!! :D I can imagine stories that you tell to your friends while having a beer or two!
Hello @rentmoney, thank you for sharing this creative work! We just stopped by to say that you've been upvoted by the @creativecrypto magazine. The Creative Crypto is all about art on the blockchain and learning from creatives like you. Looking forward to crossing paths again soon. Steem on!
Its always great to see you stop by one of my posts. Thanks for the upvotes !
Oh man, you fooled me! XD
:)