Enough With Your Dirty Chair and Blunt Fence
by The Invisible Man

Dear Mr Hoare,

I have always felt frustrated living near to you. You are the most great neighbour a person could ever meet.

Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.

I'm afraid I can no longer stand your smelly dick.

I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your chair is too dirty and your fence way too blunt. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a bra opener

I have to insist that you take action to stop your smelly dick from upsetting me. I demand that you rehome to cat then take the fence down.

And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your loud music increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a classy neighbourhood like Anita Lay.

If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the fire brigade and post photos of your smelly dick on Pinterest.

Furthermore, I have close ties with the mob and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.

Thanks
Ben Wabawls

Thanks for reading,
The Invisible Man
@theinvisibleman