Quirky British Things That I Just Happen To Do

in #comedy3 years ago

It wasn't until I started recently corresponding with an American that I realised just how 'British' I actually am. More often than not, I'll say something very ordinary (in my personal opinion) and he'll respond by laughing and calling me "cute" or he'll give me this blank look as if to say "what the heck are you on about?". Today, I happened to use the term "Hey Ho" and he found this highly amusing. "Nobody used 'Hey Ho' here in the States" was his reply. Hearing his response has made me realise that I really do and say some very quirky British things so why not write a blog piece about them!
My previous piece on British stereotypes seemed to go down a treat on Hive, so I think I might actually be onto something with this whole "British people be weird" thing, (although, please do check out my other blog pieces as I do primarily want my blog to be about film). Anyway, if you do enjoy my work then feel free to leave me a comment. Thank you ever so much!

  • I call everyone 'Darling' or 'Dear' or 'Sweetheart' or 'Love'.
    I don't even realise I'm doing this half the time. Plus, it's easier to call everyone 'Dear' rather than try to remember their name. However, I do only try to assign certain people as my 'Darlings'. If you ever come to the U.K. and the lady at the checkout calls you 'Love' please don't be alarmed, she's just being friendly.

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  • I'm obsessed with tea
    It wasn't until recently that I realised just how much of the stuff I actually drink in a day. I suspect that if you were to cut me, then I wouldn't have blood running through my veins but tea. Having a 'cuppa' is a good way to have a conversation with someone, usually when someone says "I'll put the kettle on" it's in response to some news (I.e. your house recently burned down/you've been sacked from your job for stealing pens/your uncle has caught stealing ladies underwear from M&S) and then you must proceed to sit down and drink at least 4-5 cups of tea until you've managed to get everything off your chest. Tea is wonderful stuff, but must only be drank with milk. Black tea is gross and if you drink it then you're weird, sorry.

  • I do talk about the weather a lot
    We love complaining about stuff, and the weather is constantly changing which means every day we get a new opportunity to complain. It's a win/win situation. I find myself complaining about how it's always raining here, but to be honest I do love the variety of the British weather.

  • Yes, I don't keep eggs in the fridge but I do keep butter in the fridge
    Americans, what is up with you keeping your butter out on the side? It's wrong on so many levels. And, why do you refrigerate your eggs? I like my eggs warm and my butter rock solid...Actually, the other day my butter was so solid that I had to microwave it in order to soften it so I could spread it on my crumpet. Maybe, you yanks are actually onto something...But, I refuse to put my eggs in the fridge!

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  • I constantly apologise
    I just can't help it. Even if it's not my fault, I will perceive it to be my fault and will say sorry. I say sorry to a lot of strange things, if you bump it to me then I'll apologise for being in your way. If I accidentally drop a teaspoon, I will say sorry. If I giggle then hiccup immediately afterwards, I'll be down on my knees begging you for your forgiveness.

  • I love a good queue
    I love queuing. I also love it when someone pushes in and then I turn to the person behind me and raise my eyebrows, and they respond by shaking their head and rolling their eyes. We hate people who push in...Go to the back of the queue, you heathen.

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  • I use strange swear words that nobody outside of the U.K. knows what they mean
    "Bollocks" is a good one. "Wanker" is another. "Bellend" is just gold. "Tosser" is wonderful. I love using "Blimey" for anything that I consider to be out of the ordinary. "C*nt" is only to be used when someone is being a major pain in the arse.

  • I find it hard to just say 'Goodbye' when talking on the phone
    I can't just say "Goodbye" and hang up, are you crazy?! It will take me approximately 1-2 minutes to end a phone call. Usually, it goes something along the lines as this: "Alright now, that's great. Well, it's been absolutely lovely. Thank you. Cheers. Bye now. Bye, bye, bye."

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  • You drop a dish in a restaurant and I'm going to cheer you for it
    I don't know if anyone else in the world does this, but it's compulsory in British restaurants. If a member of staff drops something (a plate, glass, cup etc.) and it breaks, then the entire restaurant must cheer and clap. I have no idea why we do it, we just do.

  • Being very passive aggressive
    If you don't know why, then that's your fault and not mine. You should know exactly why I'm upset. And if you ask me what's up, I will respond with the following: "I'm fine, just leave it."

  • Getting sentimental about anything that reminds me of Britain
    E.g. Driving through the countryside- I start crying and saying how there's nothing as beautiful as the British countryside.
    E.g. Seeing the Union flag- Start crying and humming "Rule, Britannia!"
    E.g. Seeing a roast potato- Immediately start craving a good old Sunday Roast dinner and start talking about how no-one really understands how good British cuisine actually is.

Anyway, yes I am typically British. I apologise profusely for being so British.

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