It is a relatively small office that I work in. On an average day I might see 15 people for just a few minutes.
I made coffee as part of the normal morning routine. A woman walks in and I enthusiastically say,
“Good morning!”
She smiles back and emphatically says, “Good morning!”
Clearly just seeing me smiling made her day. I will change the world one person at a time.
A few other folks came across the ray of sunshine that is typing to you right now. They too, smiled and said hello.
I really do have this whole “living” thing down. This will be a great day. Quick pit-stop at the restroom before starting my quest to conquer everything that is laid before me.
I take a quick glance in the mirror.
This picture gives no justice to just how bad my hair looked. I don’t have much hair so when it looks bad, it is BAD. I washed my hair. I dried my hair with a towel.
I did not comb my hair. AT ALL.
Of course my mind replays the entire morning and count how many people saw me like this: at least five, maybe six. Then my brain does the typical brain thing.
Enter the Swirling Vortex of Self-Deprecation.
My mind starts to replay everything from the morning and now cast a black shadow over it all. They were not happy to see ME. They were happy to see me looking stupid. If only the self-deprecation could stop at this one event.
That’s the bad thing about a vortex. It does not pick and choose what it destroys; everything is fair game.
Pretty soon everything that I’ve done wrong over the last week replays itself. The last month joins the vortex party. Select items from the last year join in too. I’m never alone in discovering these horrible memories about myself. There’s always a voice that says to me at that point, “You’re worthless”. I begin to believe the lies being told to me by satan.
I begin to submit to the lies. I start searching for other things I’ve done wrong to add to the pile. Then the moment of clarity comes.
Another voice sweetly whispers, “You do not have to do this. You are worth so much more”.
At this point I have two choices:
- Let the Vortex consume me and ignore the loving words of Jesus.
- Close my eyes, take a deep breath, and hand it over to God.
The choice is mine.
When I stay angry or hurt it is by choice. Satan will look for an “in” by any means possible. He knows I hold onto my hurt. He knows I think my anger is justified. He knows I am weakest when I focus on myself.
You might be going through this right now. Maybe you aren’t. Either way, be prepared because it will come. When it does we must acknowledge the lies for what they are and expose them to the light.
Hold onto the good things in your life, but quickly release the bad. Do not cling to sinful things.
I will leave you with this passage from Luke as a reminder.
34 “Be on guard, so that your hearts will not be weighted down with dissipation and drunkenness and the worries of life, and that day will not come on you suddenly like a trap; 35 for it will come upon all those who dwell on the face of all the earth. 36 But keep on the alert at all times, praying that you may have strength to escape all these things that are about to take place, and to stand before the Son of Man.” LUKE 21:34–36
The young folks always go for the bedhead look anyways. Makes you look more "with it" lol.
Sounds like you are handling the crisis well. We need to guard our hearts well.