It's been a hot minute!
Alot has happened over the past few months, imparticular, the breakdown of my relationship.
Shall we talk about that?
How one day someone is the love of your life, the next a stranger? How someone can be so cruel, so heartless? How you get them sooo wrong! It's scary isn't it? How wrong your judgement was, though the red flags and warnings were always there, but you still blindly fall, despite them!
I feel I've spent my whole 20s chasing my relationships (the 2 I've had) constantly trying and working so hard to make them work, for what? Is it even worth it? We put so much of our energy, trust and even change our life course, for a person? Another human being you didn't even know existed a few years ago, but all of a sudden engulfed you in their heart and life.
It's terrifying. Love is scary.
I've always been a go hard or go home kind of girl when it comes to relationships, I give everything and want it all! Because that's what I thought love was?
What the fu*k is love? Is it subjective? Is it a thumb print to each individual? Is there a trick to the trade?
Why do we over complicate it?
I'm in a place of. I love him l. I miss him. But he is no good for me. I'm sad, I'm relieved, I'm worried for him. I hate him. I resent him. I care for him. I desire him. Why so many emotions!?
So much happened, in just 3 short years. And I'm left here feeling like I'm in mourning... mourning the loss of a person who I feel never really existed...
I could write a whole other piece on Gaslighting and emotional abuse. If there's women and men out there willing to read and share their thoughts and stories on the subject, let's connect!
This is just me, sharing my feelings.