Men, who do not want sex.

If you think that the partner lost interest, don't jump to conclusions. A man does not want to make love for different reasons, and it is likely not you. Fear of losing control, unrealistic expectations, stress at work, drugs are just a few explanations from a list of possibilities. So why does a desire?

Sexologists and psychotherapists often hear men complain about the lack of desire. "Many of them very young, who are under the age of thirty, says family psychologist Was sifan. — They have no physiological problems, but no excitement: they don't care about specific or General — no partner". Why this decline of interest in sex, where are the men who do not want sex?

A REPRESSED DESIRE
"Feeling attracted to a woman, I foresee trouble, admits 43-year-old Michael. My biggest fear is to lose control. This has already happened, and every time I've made mistakes that have cost me too much money." The desire to avoid undesirable consequences, such as dependence on partner, loss of autonomy, the risk of being a victim of emotional blackmail ("we're not having sex until I get a gift") — all it can force to refuse sexual relations. This does not mean that the man is no sexual attraction.

"It disappears only under the influence of serious hormonal disorders — emphasizes the sex therapist Larry Prokopin. — However, the attraction can be suppressed." Unlike animals, man is able to control their instincts. So, we may decide to abandon the pleasures of the flesh in the name of ideas.

"Those who are brought up in the spirit of rigid morality, could perceive sexuality as something threatening, "wrong," adds sexologist Lucy Panuco. And then a complete or partial abstinence, a man will rate as "good" behavior."

FEAR OF FAILURE
In the past times, when only male choice was important in sex. Today man knows: his duty is to take care of the woman. Sometimes I think that together with the right to enjoyed the right to criticize, sometimes quite bitter. Such comments can be detrimental to men's desires. "Sexy criticism is imprinted in the memory of men lasting, he will remember this all my life," says sexologist Irina panyukova.

Sometimes loss of desire lies the fear not to give pleasure to the partner

"Sometimes I hear women complain: "he never gave me orgasm," says Larry Prokopin — like partner of his hiding and not sharing. But it is important to correctly understand the equality of the sexes: it is not only one of the partners to put all the responsibility for the choice of the pair. Everyone should learn to take care of yourself, organizing and directing the other if necessary."

THE DICTATES OF WOMEN'S VALUES
The decline of male desire to blame and latent social pressure, says therapist Helen of Peccioli.

"Society praises femininity and "female" advantages: softness, consensus, desire to discuss... she says. From men required to cultivate these qualities — as if the women "correctly" all, and in men all wrong!"It's easy to be a man, when what is masculinity, is seen as rude, aggressive, violent? How to Express the desire words, which are alien to the speaker? And after all, women do not benefit from such devaluation of male values.

"They need to admire a man to love — continues to shrink. And need to be desired. It turns out, women are losing on both fields: they live with men that no longer admire and which of them you wish."

THE ERROR OF THE OBSERVER
Sometimes the conclusion that the desire is gone, is one of the partners or both not based on facts but on assumptions about how "it should be". "Throughout the year, we met up with a friend once a week, and I've heard her say only the most flattering compliments, shares his story of 34-year-old Paul. — However, we had to begin to live together as I felt her growing frustration and could not understand the reasons until she openly asked why we have so little sex. But it was no less than before! It turned out she was expecting when living together each night be as passionate as in the times of short meetings. Unwittingly I had disappointed her and felt terrible."

The phrase "men only want one thing" is repeated so often that many take it on faith

The idea that men want sex constantly and ready for it whenever, whenever and wherever you want with anyone, is either a myth or a misconception that is based on the fact that the particular is taken as a General rule. By nature men have a different need for sex continues Larry Prokopin. — In terms of love, it increases, but then returns to normal level. But attempts to artificially increase sexual activity fraught with health problems, such as heart. It is also important to remember that sexual desire decreases with age, and not to demand from yourself or partner the previous "record".

"I'm afraid of him to change»
Susie, age 36, married 10 years, have three children:

"When I met her future husband, quickly realized that he wasn't very interested in sex, but since I was then out of the relations in which men only one sex was needed, I liked it. We had three children in four years, and I was comfortable with the rhythm of our sex life. Now the youngest daughter for four years, and I wish my sex life was richer. We never talked, and I recently suggested to my husband to address to the sexologist. To my surprise, he agreed. But since then the problem has only worsened: I think he felt what I expect from him something special, and now he has erection problems. I'm starting to think that he doesn't want me, as it believes fat, ugly, and as a result, I myself feel like this! However, he is a nice person, we have everything to be happy. I don't want to leave him, I'm just afraid that in the end can change...»

BLAME IS PORNOGRAPHY?
The opinions of experts on how the availability of porn and erotic products effect on male desire, diverge. Psychoanalyst Jacques Arenas believes that "there is a certain satiety zapolnaya all around sexuality. But the desire always feeds on the lack of what we desire". However, he stresses that for the young generation lack of desire does not mean a lack of sexual relations: these relations eliminate the emotional component, be "technical".

Larry Prokopin believes that pornography does not reduce desire: "libido is comparable to the hunger you quench, watching how others eat". However, in his opinion, the habit of pornography can affect the degree of satisfaction: "the Fans of video may be lacking in visual stimulation, because during the actual intercourse we do not so much look, how we feel, we sense, act." To fill this shortage by using mirrors, and some couples use video to watch yourself from the outside feeling like the creative team's own erotic film.

TO CHECK HORMONES
In case of loss of desire in men older than 50 years should consult with your physicians, says andrologist Ronald Virag. Desire is associated with testosterone levels. Its content in the blood ranges from 3 to 12 nanograms per milliliter. If it falls below this level, there is a noticeable decrease in desire. The role played by other biological parameters, in particular the hormones of the pituitary gland and hypothalamus and also neurotransmitters (dopamine, endorphins, oxytocin). In addition, some medications suppress the production of testosterone. In such cases, you may be prescribed hormonal therapy.

Larry Prokopin adds: "And yet, in order to reduce the attraction was caused by hormonal reasons, these reasons should be very serious (e.g., castration (including alcohol). If in puberty the male hormone levels were normal, their natural variations in the future virtually no impact on libido. The causes of reduced desire is primarily psychological."

Economic crisis as a sexual stimulus
Financial difficulties increase in men wanting to have sex, found a social psychologist OMRI Gilat. However, we are talking about "short term strategies": this means that in the face of any threat, they instinctively strive to find as many partners in a short time. "In adverse survival conditions, men tend to seek sex outside of a monogamous relationship, in order to spread their genes, the study says. — When the environment is favorable and food is enough, they are more likely to take care of the children they already have, and stay with his partner or looking for a long term relationship. But if again there is a risk and the chances of survival fall, there is a shortage of food or is getting more enemies — men will prefer short-term strategies to increase reproduction".

PRESSURE OVERLOAD
"When a man speaks to me about the lack of desire, often it turns out that he was struggling... at work, — says Inna Shivanova. — Losing confidence in professional competence, he begins to doubt his other abilities." Sexual desire is just one facet of our libido and desire in General. His absence could be integrated into the context of depression: the man don't want to have sex, but him and there is nothing more you want.

Jacques Arenas describes a "syndrome of tired old men": "he has a lot of work, the children who bore it, the problems associated with "wear and tear" of married life, it frightens the aging and decline of vitality, and it is not so easy to give new force to his will". To refuse criticism, support — that's what can make him a woman. However, discuss the complexity of partner needs with care, protecting his self-esteem and remembering that "conversation on topics of concern may cause concern and anxiety. These feelings lead away from bodily desires," — emphasizes Irina panyukova. So do not start these conversations before physical intimacy.

STEP TOWARDS EACH OTHER?
How to re-harmonize the female and male desire? "Moving — meets Helen of Vecchioli, — accepting the fact that the situation has changed. We live in a period of changing roles, and later regret about Patriarchal times. Women should stop demanding from men everything at once. And men will be useful to mobilize: women have changed, and today they know what they want. In this sense, men should follow their example and assert their own desire."

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