Dear Steemit,
is everyone lowkey afraid of being monogamous? I have played around with the idea of polyamory, but it's just not who I want to be. I want a husband who's my soulmate and I want to start a family.
That's the idea. It doesn't play out so well. The second I start liking someone even a little my mind jumps to, 'okay... but will you ever like him enough to be with him and only him forever, will he be a good husband and a good father, will he keep your interest for all those years, and will you be able to keep his?' The answer of course is always no, and I try to stop myself from falling for them wholeheartedly. I have liked and loved so many people, that I'm doubting my ability to commit to just one. I feel like a few should stand out but I can imagine myself marrying everyone, and therefore, no one.
I've thought about scratching the marriage idea and having open relationships, polyamorous relationships, or even triads. Since I'm most likely asexual, my partner(s) getting their sex fix elsewhere would really take a load off my shoulders. But how do you start a family this way? It complicates things, there's children and STIs and jealousy to worry about. Honestly, I'd even worry about falling in love with someone besides my spouse and no longer wanting to be with them. Commitment is terrifying, yet necessary.
I'm hoping this is something others have worried about so I know I will get over it, maybe it's due to never finding the one. I never saw myself as someone with commitment issues, so I think this is more along the lines of being indecisive, which I do have lots of experience with.
I feel funny writing this since only a few posts prior I mentioned how my asexuality would probably prevent me from being in a relationship. Now here I am, complaining about not being able to stick with only one partner. But humans are not straightforward and I'm allowed a few contradictions! (upcoming post about whether contradictions exist or not? Shit, this got me thinking.)
Thank you for all the love and support, I have more followers than I expected and I'm just really grateful for it all :')
I had to look you up. You weren't in my feed. Nice post. Contradict yourself all you want. I see it more as being human. We are perfectly imperfect.
Because of this very thought pattern (and others, such as "what do they see in me" and "I have no idea what to say or do"), I never dated anyone until after high school. In my mind, I would always skip the entire relationship and jump straight to the end, and then conclude "it's not worth it."
And maybe it wasn't, but the point is I don't know.
We don't know (except when we do).
We can't rely on our mental relationship simulators to give us accurate assessments. Love doesn't work that way. Not the kind that keeps people together. It has to do with synergy and emotional understanding and following intuition and free will. It has to do with people's growth or lack thereof, relative to each other.
I think it's too hard to find one's soulmate on one's own. I've chosen to stop worrying about it and trust that when I'm ready, we'll find each other. In the meantime, I'm enjoying growing into who I want to be.
Anyway, I doubt many relationships can survive the early assessment of an expectation of its demise. So it's probably just best to follow your gut and not try to figure it out in your head.
The last person I liked, had same issue, she shared one thing her mother told her "..... , you grew up with so many options, that is why now you always keep on thinking that you will have a better option and you cannot commit". I am not judging anyone here, just throwing it out there.
That makes sense. I've never been able to decide. I buy 3 copies of the same book with different covers sometimes because I don't know which is my favourite lol
You have commitment issues? Do me a favour and tell the people you fall in love with that you dont want anything serious. Don't be a bitch and break hearts. Karma bites back hard
of course i tell them..