I know this sounds like I don't understand but I do and YOU TRULY DO HAVE EVERYTHING IN YOU!!! You have to have the courage to give yourself your attention. FEEL yourself from the inside out which means feeling your pain, hurt, anger etc... also. Punch some pillows, cry it out, whatever you need. I truly don't mean to minimize your experience....and I'm aware that written advice is pretty useless, but I really would love to see you in wellness again so I feel compelled to try. May your path open up!