CLOSURE MATTERS

"How can you still love someone so bad with all the broken pieces?"

It's been like, what, 5 years?
And still, here I am. Trying to figure out what's left to live since your gone. Trying to set my goal straight even though the road just broke and has no direction itself.

Do you know what it's like to wake up in the middle of the night looking for your arms, then realizing you're not even present?

Do you know what it's like to wake up everyday thinking about how to even make a proper meal to survive?

Everyday is a new challenge for me to even get up and do the things normal people do.
And it's sad, cause I don't feel normal anymore.

You know it's funny how Dad told me that you did not love me that much. That I was like a trash that you easily got rid off. But it's even more funny that I did not believe that, at all.

Because you did, right?

I knew it and I felt it, that you loved me so much you couldn't get enough. You loved me so bad that you'd die if we broke up, yet you're still alive. Kicking and healthy alive. Already living your life being with someone as if I never happened and there was never an US.

You'd think it's funny, how I stayed in love with you all these years. How I'm still into you all this time. You'd think it's funny, but for me it's brave.

It's brave to still be able to write about you.
It's brave that I continue to survive and look out for myself because there is no one to look out for me like you did.
It's brave to grieve, you know. It makes me feel vulnerable but stronger at the same time.

Everyday I remind myself that there is a reason. That we broke up for a reason and I can't wait to know the reason why and slap me back to reality telling me hey I'm the reason.

I kind of hoped, you're still the reason. That you'll be back then it's gonna be all alright. But it is not right to even think about it anymore.

I've waited enough.
Step by step I moved forward and it's far enough to still go back when you don't.

They say, you take it slow, then you move on. Just like that. Come on, couldn't it get any faster? Five long years of my life, I am stuck into you.

I still miss you, and I know it's not right to feel that way anymore. I want a life. A new, fresh life.

I WANT TO LIVE NOT JUST TO SURVIVE

And I wish you give me that.
I deserve CLOSURE..