On shame and achivments

Shaming is one of the key elements in traditional Ukrainian educational system. Up until this day you can here a lot of parents shaming their kids for doing something wrong, teachers in schools using shame to put students back in line, grown ups trying to get their way around by saying “how could you, shame on you”. For some it becomes a traditional weapon, a source of constant power, a skill.
The toughest part is when it comes to a relationships, and I’m not talking about shame in marriage when someone cheated on someone. No, I’m talking about regular relationships between friends, parents and grownup children, employers and employees. The spreads around and causes constant emotional burn out, the silent and unspoken one. Speaking up against it is traditionally “inappropriate” for the shamed cannot imagine that their way can be correct. I did notice that this has a reversed effect on 20 year olds, where shame “doesn’t exist” although when you dig deeper you will find out that it is still there, and causes even more issues. Out of rebel they take an antisocial route and hurt themselves even more during this process. In therapy you take a deep dive and go to the roots of shame, that are buried under anger and frustration, guilt and pain, fear and sadness. These roots often lead to inability to make a move, fight for what you want, stand up for yourself in an argument, get that job or that relationship.
The most important thing that I actually want to give you today is that without digging deep you might never find a true reason why you are failing at something. Feeling of shame can actually be addictive for it can be connected to a restricted areas of fun, pleasure, relaxation etc. Don’t be afraid to dive in these areas on your own or with a therapist. We do build up strict walls around these subjects, and breaking through them isn’t easy. You might even need a few therapist to do so, we are not perfect, we also have our own issues. But do the job. Find your happy. The results might surprise you ☺
Have an awesome day guys.