The Good, The Bad, The Ugly: Modelling Jobs, Anxiety & Acne

The Good

I went to Singapore for a couple of days to meet a British photographer. He was a fascinating person. He was dressed in a tunic dress and leggings with his nails polished in gold glitter. While I had brought a lot of clothing, jewellery and shoes, we barely used any of my stuff but I didn’t mind, better to be overprepared than underprepared, right? I’ve only gotten some of the photos back unedited, so I can’t post them up here just yet. There’s a lot of chokers, sashes and scarves used, so trust me, the photos are gonna be great!

The Bad

My anxiety is still very severe. On of my biggest triggers is actually boredom or lack of activity. It’s weird, most people, I think so at least, find lack of activity relaxing. I start running thoughts and overthinking when there’s nothing to do. I frankly can’t bear it when I face a stressor and I begin to have tremors. So in that situation, I get anxious when faced with stress. I come to a point where too little or too much both activate the panicky mode in me. I am seeing my doctor tomorrow to discuss adjusting my medication to suit my current state of mind.

Image by Azzah B.A.

The Ugly

Once again, acne is still my biggest issue. It’s gotten so bad, I feel like it’s getting in the way of my job as a model and sex worker. I don’t feel comfortable with wearing makeup out of fear that it will prevent it from healing. Turns out a bit of concealer goes a long way during my shoot in Singapore. I am currently considering stopping T. That however does not mean I am “detransitioning” (that’s a whole other can of worms). I am still transitioning socially and as for the physical changes, I will do as much as I can with a gym and vocal training.|