@pauliepro Sounds like you need some counseling for anxiety. Make sure you see a counselor that understands it isn't controllable, only manageable. You are having all these conversations in your head, which is actually anxiety. I seriously don't think about you or anyone that has pained me in the past at all. Seems the carnivore diet has helped me regulate how I feel and how I manage my thoughts.

The keys to letting go of your, and I do mean your, pain is to 1st understand what natural rights actually are and respecting the natural rights of others. Don't bother trying to control people and their thoughts that are around you, you aren't supposed to be able to do that anyway. That means people are allowed to have opinions even if they are bad ones. My opinions don't hurt you, your behavior does. Everything that you are going through is a result of every action you have taken. You can keep hurting yourself and people that don't like you don't have to even try to hurt you. All the problems are in your head. 2nd, eliminate your "hate" and "don't like" lists for people. Move them to a don't trust list and don't interact with them. That's it, that is all I'm going to say to help you.

...yes, yes, I know, you are going to respond with a threat or an insult, I don't care. I don't think I'll ever care. Just know, you don't have to cause all this pain in your head, you could live happy not thinking about people who you do not like. You don't have to imprison yourself in your own thoughts. Help these days is easy to find for your problems.

There, is that enough compassion for you?

P.S. I live in a van. You will not be able to "hunt me down" and I still don't care if you do. I will go on living just fine and being happy regardless of your threats.