I am struggling to write something here that won't sound trite. It's hard to do this via typed words on a screen. So I will just keep this as simple as honest as possible. I have been there man. I know no-one can feel exactly how you do but I reached my version of bottom over twenty years ago. There are some cliches that people will throw at you right now "time will heal", "you will learn form this and come out stronger", "humans are strong enough to endure far more than we think", "you will end up far happier in the ing run". There is a reason these are all cliches... it's because they are true. I experienced it first hand. It was really fucking hard but if you fight and stay strong, you will see each of those cliches become reality. If you can just focus on one day at a time and just make it through that day, then the next, then the next you will be ok. For me it was finding one positive thing to do each day. If I could just commit to doing that one positive thing and then I actually followed through it really helped. Maybe your positive thing is art. Maybe it is helping a friend. maybe it is teaching someone to draw or writing some code. Whatever it is, please find it. It that doesn't do it, you could always just keep drawing funny pictures. Maybe knowing you are making others smile will be a start. Good luck man and hang in there. Be strong and fight. It will get better, but you have to fight and keep fighting until time can start to do its job.