Snippets from March 6, 2010 (8 months)
So after going on about how wonderful I was feeling in my last email, things came crashing down on Sunday. I woke up to go to church and felt nauseas. Immediately I thought, “No, but I’m getting better. It’ll go away in a moment.” I got ready and ate a grated apple to try and settle things. We took a taxi there and got off at the 7-11 so we could buy something for me to eat. I couldn’t go inside because I felt so rough. Then as we were walking to church, I got the overwhelming sensation that I was going to puke. I called to Greg, who was walking a little ahead with the stroller and he stopped. I rushed behind a parked van and puked into the drain on the side of the road a few times. Then we got to church and I managed to keep it together until the pastor started preaching and I moved into the baby room. Greg came to help with Jay because I was just too ill. I even puked into the trash can a few times. It was so gross. I felt so terrible.
Somehow after that I started to feel a bit better and after that we went out for lunch with Annie. I even managed to eat something and my stomach started feeling better. Then when we got home the old familiar nausea came creeping back and before long I was hunched over the toilet again. I was not only hugely uncomfortable, but totally disappointed. I was so sure that this was it, that I’d started on the road to recovery. By that night I’d puked 8 times and puked another 3 times during the night. I woke up on Monday feeling utterly wrecked. I gagged a few times, but there was nothing left inside. My stomach felt hollow and when I walked I had to hunch over and walk slowly or it just hurt too much.
I didn’t puke that day (except for the gagging in the morning) and I’ve only puked a few times since then, but it has still been far worse than last week. I was nauseas a lot and I find that now when I start to get that “super nauseas” feeling, it actually scares me. I’m terrified of that “first puke” because so often it just starts this awful cycle and leads me down this path that is utterly frightening, where nothing you do helps and you just end up puking more and more. I used to feel that if I could just puke, I would feel better, but now I know that is definitely not the case and it’s actually scary.
Despite a rough start to the week, I still think I’m doing better than I was a few weeks before. I can at least keep some food down and I’m even enjoying things like salads again. Still, I’m not going to make any broad sweeping statements about how I’m clearly over the worst part because I’ve learned my lesson in that regard.
Today I’m home alone with Jay. Greg is working. I’ve felt okay, but had a few bad bouts of nausea. I just hope it passes by this evening because Greg wants to go out for dinner which I’m really looking forward to. We haven’t been out to our favorite spot in ages and although it isn’t exactly a “baby” place, I’ve seen couples with babies before and we don’t plan on going out late so I’m sure it’ll be fine and we’ll miss the party crowd. At the moment Jay is sitting next to me in the stroller and I’m feeding him plain yogurt which he loves.
On Thursday I went to see the doctor. I’d been kind of worried this week about the amniotic fluid thing. Although last week he hadn’t seemed overly concerned and just said it was a result of the HG, I still worried about it being low and when I googled it, it didn’t help! Seriously, sometimes Google is helpful and at other times it just makes you worry more. It said all these things about possible problems with the baby’s kidneys and going into labor early. I was SO relieved when I went back this week and everything was fine. He said the amniotic fluid level was back to normal. Of course, what I really wanted to know was the baby’s sex, but he/she would not give up the goods. The knees were pulled up and the ankles crossed and although he tried he just couldn’t get the money shot. He said it was also the direction the baby was lying in with more space up by the head and less space down by the legs. He said we’d try again next week so here’s hoping I finally find out! Like I said, I’m hoping for a boy (just being practical), but of course we’ll be happy either way. There is something extremely special about finding out that makes it all seem that much more “real” for me and makes me feel even more of a connection with the baby.
Some of the kids at school have found out from the other teachers and some of them can see that I have a belly already. One of my older students, said, “But, Teacher, is so quickly!” and when another of my younger students found out from Queenie she exclaimed, “Oh! Teacher Emily loves having babies!” Ha ha right!
Jay is such an active little boy at the moment and I dread to think of what it’ll be like when he starts walking. He crawls so fast (still in that low down, lizard way), speeds around in his walker and just gets into everything! And he always wants to touch the things he shouldn’t. If we let him have free reign, then he leaves a trail of destruction in his wake. He shouts and makes these sounds all day long. He can pull himself up on things now and does so all the time. Sometimes he lets go with one hand and tries to walk along, often ending up on his backside. When he pulls himself up on the bed railings, he jumps and jumps and thinks it’s great fun. In the morning when he wakes up he immediately gets all active and will climb right over Greg and me to get to the railings and pull himself up. We have to make sure that nothing valuable is left on our side tables because he takes everything off and after a while it ends up on the floor. Loves Daddy’s cell phone and glasses. Also has new favorites – Daddy’s backpack which he spends ages studying and, as I think I’ve mentioned before, brooms and mops. Often when he is in his walker or stroller I’ll just give him a broom and he loves “sweeping”. He can spend ages moving it up and down on the floor and only gets upset when he drops it. I’m hoping he’ll be my little helper one day! He also loves looking at monkeys (he laughs when we play the Jungle Book DVD because the menu has monkeys dancing and making monkey noises) and he loves Nemo. Sometimes I’ll just let him play with the DVD cover and he’ll laugh on his own while looking at it. Then if you point and say “Nemo” he laughs even louder. It’s really funny. Stella thinks he is fat now and although he does have chubby cheeks now and the rolls on the thighs, I don’t think he is huge or anything, just really cute! This morning Greg took him down to the breakfast stand where we often buy breakfast and the guy that works there asked one of the other workers to translate for him. Then he said that he can’t believe how much Jay looks like me! I wasn’t even there, but he knows me. Actually, a lot more people have said he looks like me now. I still can’t really see it, but I’ve noticed that sometimes people will say, “Oh, he looks like his dad” because of the blue eyes, but then after a while they change their minds. Then again others think he totally looks like his dad so it’s true when they say that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
Okay, I have to be off. He is up and at it. Only took a half an hour nap which gave me just enough time to take a shower, get dressed and finish this off. Now he is eating a baby cookie, but it’s time for his bottle.
Lots of love
Em x
(snippets from March 2010)