What you've said is how I've felt about social media in general for a while.
With Youtube, it was hard for me to know what sort of content to make. I was able to get views, but not with the stuff I was most passionate about. But that also could be because, like you said, I was holding back in some way, worried about what others think. Worried about money. I started changing this a while ago, and I'm slowly making progress toward the "fuck it" mentality. The only path forward is the one where I'm authentic.