I really hate being blind. I don’t feel like sugar coating that like other people do. I’m not one of these people who thinks you need to look on the bright side for everything. Being blind is shit, there’s nothing good about it. There’s no advantage being blind gives you that remotely outwieghs the myriad of detriments. I love when other blind people give their little speeches where they try to act like there’s positives even though the things they list are totally worthless or plain made up. Like “Every woman’s a ten!” yeah except no woman wants a defect when they can have a perfectly normal actually functioning real person so have fun being alone. I know I’m an exceoption to that rule and as grateful as I am for that the rule still stands and quite frankly I wouldn’t blame @spudfuzz if one day things just got too much to deal with and she wanted to be on her own. No one should have to put up with taking care of a defective person and the defects should be smart enough to recognize that. They’re at the bottom of the food chain and are entitled to nothing.
Another hilariously stupid one is “I get half fare/free fare on the bus!” Yeah except public transit is incredibly shit in most places AND you only get that because other people decided to give it to you. So you’re not really getting it because you’re blind, you’re getting it because other people allow you to have it. The same way they could’ve just as easily allowed anyone else to have free bus fare, you’re not special.
I found it surprisingly hard to find accounts of blind people venting their frustrations about their legitimate issues because everyone seems to want to put on this fake smile bullshit and act like they’re not affected at all. And that’s why I’m writing this up. I am angry all the time. My life is full of little more than hatred and a conviction to seek revenge on the reality that did this to me. Everything I care about has been taken from me. I can’t go for a bike ride, I can’t do parkour, I can’t join the military, I can’t drive, I can’t even play some useless fucking videogames. I can’t do shit that I actually want to do. And then on top of all that because I’m less of a person than other people I have to pay more for shit because of what I’m unable to do myself. I had a dream one time that illustrated this perfectly where I had to pay for a cab to get somewhere that I otherwise could’ve gone to on my own if I could see. And half way through the cab ride I realized that I was being forced to spend more money because I was weak. Not out of choice or anything, just because I was weak.
And then there’s the people who try to go “Oh but there’s still all these things you CAN do Terraset! I mean you could go jogging with a partner because you can tie a ribbon around your wrist, you can play blind people sports like go ball, there’s lots of stuff!” All that stuff is gay and retarded. All it does is remind me of how little I can do. I love the suggestions that are about going to hang out with other blind people because we have things in common. Why the fuck would I want to do that? What are we gonna do? Blind things? Oh yeah that just sounds like a laugh riot, let’s do a bunch of shit I don’t want to do just because it’s literally the only thing left I’m capable of doing. Yeah that sounds fun.
I don’t expect anyone to read or care about any of this. My Steemit is practically just here for me to shitpost on since it’s not like I have anything of value to offer. Sure I have a short story to post and I’ll get to that eventually. And sure I might, slowly, maybe, write more sometime if I feel like it. But really I don’t have a single thing to offer this community so I don’t see the point in acting like I do. I’m just some angry blind asshole on the internet with little else to define me.
I admit that I have things to say and so far it’s been somewhat therapeutic doing so. But, honestly, I don’t see this going anywhere. Like I said in my intro post I’ve failed at literally everything else I’ve ever tried to do and I don’t care to put effort into anything else anymore since all of it just perpetuates my existence as one of the poster boys legitimizing forced eugenics. At one time I thought I got over the anger, at least more than this, but clearly this isn’t the case. I suppose there’s one good thing that comes out of it though, I have a lot of emotional fuel to keep me going on the one thing I do care about.
In any case for the time being I suspect this type of thing is what my Steemit will consist of. I mean maybe I’ll find something later that I think is worth talking about or maybe I’ll vent enough of this out in posts that my stuff will become a lot happier and more productive. But until then I don’t think I’m going to be worth anything on here. Still at least that knowledge means I don’t have a reason not to post, it’s not like it’s really going to affect anything.