Dallas Returns - Who Framed JR?

I've got an idea for a new TV series about all the drama in the World Wide Web of Wickedness (WWWW) that we are seeing today. It's based on the old 1980's TV series by Phillip Capice called "Dallas". I've seen every episode of that show!

For those too young to remember, it was about a rich family of "oilmen" in Dallas. It's star was JR Ewing, a love-to-hate villain who was always doing something sneaky and dastardly to some other member of the cast - who took turns being destroyed by JR's schemes and maneuvers to seduce and then double-cross his victims using a vast array of Texas good-old-boys who he had either bribed or coerced into doing his dirty work. The show would always end with executive producer credits pasted across the face of a shattered victim - or JR's evil grin.

I talked about this during the first half-hour of Part 1 of Crypto Connie's Show last night, but thought it might be fun to actually write it down for wider dissemination.

The way I envision this proposed new series, everything is reversed. JR will be a penniless, mild-mannered software developer who just wants to be left alone to develop insanely great products. Surrounding him will be a cast of 7 archvillains representing archetypical stereotypes of people and organizations in our industry. Each is just as schemingly evil as the original JR Ewing in the roles they play and they all have just one goal - to totally destroy mild mannered JR to get what they want. They are completely amoral about it and have no more consciousness of guilt than a lion picking out a zebra for lunch.

So, it's all about "Who Framed JR this week?"

Lets look at my fictional cast of stereotypical characters, one by one. If you think one of these is mocking you, that's your guilty conscience talking. You should consider it a good sign that you actually have one.

The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this preview are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred. No person or entity associated with this preview received payment or anything of value, or entered into any agreement, in connection with the depiction of crypto or tobacco products. No animals were harmed in the production of this preview.

The Ex-wife. She wants custody of his son and was willing to make up any story to get him. She spends every show reporting something new that JR supposedly did to her to the Dallas police. They keep reinvestigating JR, hauling him into court, and discovering she lied to them and dropping the charges. It does't matter how often she does this, they are always willing to take her seriously week after week. Her character doesn't have anything personal against JR, but she doesn't mind hurting him badly to get her way.

The Competitor. This guy is an inept developer of the same products as JR and jealous of the fact that JR's product is better than his. He knows that his own product will have no chance if JR releases his first, so he schemes to place roadblocks in his way. He figures if he can get JR into enough legal hot water it will delay his release, and even envisions manipulating the authorities into seizing JR's software and selling it to him - fair and square. His character doesn't have anything personal against JR, but he doesn't mind hurting him badly to get his way.

The Ethically Challenged Lawyer. Most legal firms in the cryptocurrency industry are engaged in helping startups and entrepreneurs find their way through the byzantine international regulatory patchwork to get their companies launched without winding up in jail for felony jaywalking. This firm, however, decides to specialize in taking young companies down, using their legal connections with government agencies to get assigned the plum jobs of taking over targeted companies, seizing their assets, and spending as much of the company's money as possible during a long, drawn-out legal battle. She spends her spare time roaming the country taking credit for being a Big Takedown Jock in search of more business and fame. She doesn't have anything personal against JR, but doesn't mind hurting him badly to get her way.

To make matters more interesting, we'll have these first three archetypes all know each other socially and go behind the scenes each week to watch them treacherously conspiring to take down JR with co-fabricated stories and coordinated legal actions.

The Fudslinger. This is a particularly noisome kind of troll that dwells on internet forums. She fancies herself as an amateur private investigator whose job is to dig up and proliferate dirt on other people's projects and businesses. This character understands negative PR technology and search engine optimization tactics to make sure that all the "Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt" (FUD) that she slings will stick with JR's internet reputation forever. You can count on the first three characters getting maximum mileage out of their defamation fabrications - the Fudslinger will make sure of it. Her best case scenario is if she can goad the authorities into acting against her victims. Her character doesn't have anything personal against JR, but she doesn't mind hurting him badly to get her 15 minutes of whistle-blowing fame among others of her kind.

The Regulator. Most regulatory agencies were created with good intentions and there remain some regulators who are only interested in protecting innocent consumers. However, these days, the Deep State has infiltrated and our villain will be one of these moles who could not care less about protecting anyone. He is there to enjoy wielding absolute power, get promoted and pursue the agendas of his Deep State masters. In our story arc, he has picked out JR as his first victim and is using his awesome power to completely isolate JR from his friends, his company, his resources, and his entire support system. The goal is to leave JR completely defenseless so that he can achieve his objectives with little real effort or need to prove his case in a fair fight. He doesn't have anything personal against JR, but doesn't mind hurting him badly to get his way.

The FBI. These guys have earned their reputation as straight-shooting, morally-upright defenders of the constitution. These Men in Black pride themselves in the professional way they can achieve a clean, safe takedown of drug lords, terrorists, crime bosses and, um, geeks, but it has gotten a bit too routine. Every morning they wake up and take down whoever is scheduled on their calendar for that day without stopping to consider who put the victim on the schedule in the first place. "It’s just their job 5 days a week." They don't have anything personal against JR, but don't mind shooting him dead if he makes a wrong move when they kick in his door in the middle of the night.

The Texas Good-old-boy Network. This is made up of all the people in Dallas local government. Lawyers, judges, cops, social workers... the entire legal system. Cases come and cases go but these people have to work together for their whole careers. They end up making friendships and owing each other favors. Their actions become more centered around helping each other win than achieving a just outcome in any particular case. They might deliberately schedule court appearance conflicts or suddenly pull out of a paid retainer at the last minute to force JR to forfeit an issue or defend himself all alone. They don't have anything personal against JR, but don't mind hurting him badly to keep their IOU ledgers in their network well endowed.

So there you have it. A cast of characters and web of intrigue to rival the original Dallas series or any modern soap opera. All of them will be colluding together to get what they collectively want. They won't care how badly they hurt JR or his friends and supporters. They won't care about doing their professional duties diligently or ethically. Their strategy will be to cheat and take shortcuts and use every unfair advantage to focus the unlimited budgets and powers of the government to frame JR for something new every week.

So what do you think?

Would such a series raise public awareness of what entrepreneurs in our industry face every day? Would it bring about reform and restored honor and integrity to our society? Would it make erstwhile villains reexamine their behavior and reform their ways?

Nah. I don't think so either.

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Maybe I'll do a Saturday morning cartoon instead.