Ok. What the heck did I just put in my mouth?

Once my brain picks itself up off the floor, it responds: 'Ballast Point Nitro Golden Oatmeal Stout with Red Beets and Chocolate, sweetie pie.'

Backstory

Let's step back in time, shall we?

So there I was, driving to Chicago to help my mother-in-law move some heavy stuff a couple days ago. She called and asked what kind of beer she should get. I said 'If you can find anything from Ballast Point, grab it.' She called back a couple minutes later and said they had something called 'Red Velvet'. I had no idea what it was, and since I was driving I was not about to go researching. Thinking it would probably be a rye IPA or possible a red ale, I said 'Sounds good.'

Can't go wrong with Ballast Point, right?

Right out of the gate, the packaging is super sweet. (That should have probably tipped me off.) A shrink-wrapped full bottle label around each 12oz bottle contains some truly epic artwork, and the 6-pack cardboard holster contains the full panoramic view of some skeletons enjoying this fine Golden Oatmeal Stout with Red Beets and Chocolate. The king skeleton is also munching on an entire chocolate cake. That should have been my second clue.

Poured out of the bottle in the safety of the kitchen, then taken out into the late afternoon sun, I was almost blinded by the saturated redness of the brew. Who knew beets could be so red? Or beer? Or beet beer?

Key Points:

Alcohol: This is a pretty mild brew at 5.5%. You're more likely to get diabetes before you get drunk off this stuff.  

Glassware: A thick walled mug would be appropriate for this beer, which is what I used. I'm not entirely sure there is a proper glass for a 'Golden Oatmeal Stout with Red Beets and Chocolate', so I may be somewhat off base.

Temperature: For a normal oatmeal stout I like to be above 50F on serving temperature, maybe even 55F.

For this freakshow, I have no idea.

Hops: Hops? What hops. No hops here, as far as I can tell. This is all sweetness and flavors.

Availability: I've never seen this beer before, so I have no idea how widely they are distributing this. It might be a limited release.

Style	Golden Oatmeal Stout
Country	USA
Brewery	Ballast Point Brewing Company, USA
Alcohol	5.5%
Appearance	Very foamy white, clean head, which is your first clue this is no normal stout. The nitro does a good job of offering a billowing smooth head. Active and lively carbonation.
Aroma	Chocolate and sugar. It's like a candy bar took a dump in my beer.
Taste	Guess what. Sweet! You can taste the chocolate flavor, and maybe a bit of vanilla. Zero hops taste, maybe a bit of an organically vegetal flavor that could have been the beets.
Palate	It's fun to drink, actually, and offers a very smooth and sweet aftertaste. Clean flavor once the minor malt body disappears.
Overall	Nitro Red Velvet is a weird beer. It looks weird, has weird packaging, and tastes weird. It's dangerously close to some kind of mixed drink, and doesn't retain much of what a beer ought to be. Buy one for the novelty, but no more. You don't actually want to get diabetes.
My Score	62/100

Consensus from the Masses:

I guess the good folks at ratebeer.com weren't overly impressed either.

Still, I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I mostly enjoyed drinking what I wrote about!