Life of a struggling art man.

Hi.

It has been a long time, and i dont really know how many of you follow any of stuff, since most of it has been just things uploaded, with out some real value or meaning to it, sorry fo that.
For the last year, trough work, family and studies i had thought alot about steemit, you know, asking myself why i dont upload my stuff, like my poetry, or texts, studies, drawings,and what not, since im always finding ways to express something trough pen and paper, or trough the guitar and as thought came and went ive always found myself puling my self back...That little voice that i believe most of us have,
that one that always put us down,
and in a certain way it has a tremendous effect on me, where in a lot of time in between creating stuff and daily activities ive found my self demotivated trough my own lack of self appreciation , saying negative things to myself about my self trough my self , yes i know it sound dull and new age, but that is how all of this mechanism of me works.
One might ask yes Han, but this is a case of depression and hippie talk, and what the hell has to do with art.
Well my friend, i haven't been anything in this life, but one thing i can guarantee any of you,
Im a professional struggling art man!
And this is my contribute to any artist, to all people of arts, its a resume of years of try and error, and error, and error, and error, and error, and error, and error, and error, where specially for me, its a look in to my own experience as a person who cant do other than to see its surroundings as an expression of art.
You might laugh, and that is good.
I dont consider myself an artist, since ive never had any proper education in arts, still i cant help it, i ve been drawing since small age, like any normal kid! i just haven't stopped like any other normal kid.
when i was 15 i got my first acoustic guitar like any other millennial teenager (was born in 85)! just havent stopped like any other millennial teenager.
Both of these passions had me going till this day, not financially, but just as friends who hold your hand trough time.
Now im not trying to become next Picasso, or Dali, or Michelangelo, or Hendrix, or Jobim, or Vaughn , most of all im trying to assimilate all these passions of mine in to a fruitful action, where i can provide to my loved ones and still have the excitement of creating something beautiful, because that is where it all is, the Excitement !
That rush of making something awesome, and here is where we pick up from the depressing part.
That lack of appreciation ive learned trough time and experience, that is completely normal, and it follows patterns.
I still hadn't broke them down in such a mechanical way since i still learn everyday, but some parts ive managed to separate.
It generally follows, like this, for example i choose a subject to study, lets say hands, i study every aspect of it, look, find a model , and start replicating many times, lets call it the study part, fine it has some excitement till a point where it is just perfect, ahhh the satisfaction of ONE good drawing! time passes and i fall to that phase of drawing many hands, and always hands, till i get bored, its not interesting anymore, it comes to a point where i cant even draw other things well, its like i went back years of drawing, the drawing look all crappy, and there i start to put myself down, and lower, the drawings are all empty, i my self cant elaborate any idea, as i came to i complete empty, like that week or so had drain me of all creativity, the empty phase.
The only way i can pull myself out, is not going to the "try to be creative and original" state of mind bu to simply go back to study. Dont fool yourself!! a tremendous amount of time can pass on the "be creative" state of mind.
One of my motos was Miles Davis quote on creativity, where he stated that creativity was something that came out of exhaustion, i gave so much wait to these words, that i have passed years creating shit art, with out ever improving, i guess i had ignored the fact that Sir Miles was always studying. so thats where it was, i used to get stuck till exhaustion, only to drop everything after a few years or months, and pick it up another month later.
So my advise today is, when blocked creatively , dont force yourself, you are empty of creative juice.
go make something mechanical such as studying(while i study i feel like my creative part is resting).
Then the roll can start, where its, study, practice, creation, repetition, exhaustion of creativity, back to study.
By doing this i dont loose so much time being dull, and it has helped me a lot.
i must say it has been really nice writing about my experience, and i really hope it has helped you as much as it has helped me, let me know of your experience, how do you manage it? if you liked please leave a comment and subscribe, i will be writing weekly, always of the life of a struggling art man,
Will show some of my work and be answering any questions.
Next time i will talk about my experience in the night life art world of music and event , tattooes and art in general

Ps. sorry for my english