The prompt was: What do you think of when you hear the word “monster?”
My monster is called Tinnitus.
Tinnitus is a disorder that causes a 24/7 beeping, hissing or ringing in the ears. It never stops and it’s not curable.
Mine is a humming sound and it’s present day and night and continuously disturbs my concentration.
Until now I can mask it with other sounds like radio, running water, a ventilator or wearing a loudly purring cat on top of my head. But at night I’m worried if the volume will increase in the future. If this gets worse, how can I still mask it?
My only available weapon is my mantra: Don’t feed the troll, because it grows on attention.
Update of 2 years later:
It still there. The volume didn't change and there is still no cure.
But guess what?!
It doesn't bother me anymore.
During the time I created this drawing I could NOT imagine man could get used to it. Everybody thinks he is that particular 'special case' that finally have to kill himself to get rid of it. Yes, there are sufferers out there who asked for euthanasia. And yes, in the Netherlands I know at least 1 case that was granted.
There has been some big changes in my life that has helped. The biggest one is I moved from a silent suburb of a small rural town to a busy centre of a city. In the beginning I LOVED the eternal sound of passing traffic, people, the heavy coal trains. I still do, but even if we are out of town, my attention to my inner sound is completely 'reset'. Like it has become transparent and the normal sounds more easily are coming through.
It turned out I was just like the other 95% of the tinnitians !
At some point life goes on.
One of the most brilliant guys i know had it really bad and he did choose to leave...
I'm glad you are doing ok! xoxox
That is so sad. That's why I stopped searching for the non-existent solution, because once in a while I bumped onto a bad ending story and they scared the hell out of me.
I am a new member to this club!
Very encouraging piece. I thought there might be a trick to coping with it (apart from jumping off a bridge) and you fortify this hope. Speak to you 2 years down the line again on this one,
I have stuck your monster on my wall! That it may find its attention amongst my other pins.
Welcome to the club
I know it sounds boring, but my best advice is to stop searching for the non-existent solution. Searching is giving it attention. My aurist told me I'm just early with age's hearing impairment and tinnitus could be one of the effects. It started to bother me less when I got out of possibilities and there was nothing else left than acceptance. Acceptance is not something you do consciously. It just happens.
Something that comforted me was my conviction that however sound is actually 'created' by your brain ... there is no volume button inside your ear. The volume of sounds is defined outside your head. So, in my opinion my brain is not able to increase the volume of the tinnitus I hear now.
If this sounds unlogical; Please, don't refute this conviction
Sounds very logical. Will not refute your conviction and distract you from this "cure" (acceptance is always half the cure). You did, however, cause me to defy logic, today, when your art brought me total relief.
Let me explain.
While what you say is exactly what my mother says "don't think about it", I had a lovely day today, forced to think about it because I was remarkably (couldn't help but notice) tinnitus free!! I believed your monster (on my wall now) and I had made peace! (I attribute healing powers to your art, just so you know. Must be all that shamanic hat burning that swayed me that way.)
I once knew an artist (okay he was a little nuts on a good day and a raving looney on a lesser one) who said this kind of hearing anomaly (for those who are "too young"- so much for statistics - to have these issues, my aurist said the same) was an indication of a hyper-sensitivity to electro-magnetic vibes. Or negative thoughts in the air waves. Or alien communications.
He was pretty convinced of the latter. But I don't think it helped him adjust to the condition any better; it may have added to his insomnia....
I also heard (no, read) some people think it is the hyper-sensitivity to electro-magnetic vibes. I really wanted to believe this, but I'm not hyper-sensitive. Well, at least not concerning my ears. In the Netherlands or in New Zealand, on a silent grassland or in the restroom of a diy shop ... everywhere I hear it the exact same way. That would be too coincidental (and aliens could not be so consistent! :)
For me that proofs the problem is beind my eardrum.
Since when did you have this Or had this?
I've got it pretty bad from years of working near angle grinders and other power tools in confined spaces.
The tinnitus is fairy low in the cue of the things that bother me though, all my old injuries scream at me a lot more than the tinnitus.
Nowadays people are more aware of wearing ear protectors, but back in the days ...
Keep the damned tinni low!
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