I hope to write about this today, but I would suggest trying to change the dynamic by pretending you are associating with them in the free market :P Instead of, "You do this otherwise this will happen, because I say so!" Think in terms of negotiation, "if you do this for me, I'll do this for you." Clean your room and I'll read you an extra book before bed tonight; do your homework all week and we can do go to the park on Friday. It teaches your kids to reason and be negotiators, instead of compliant out of fear. Try really hard to treat them like a partner: always use logic to present your case, speak calm and clear, and truly attempt to mutually benefit one another. Hope that helps!