Why Adoption Wasn't for Me

My husband and I had been trying for almost 13 years to conceive children. We always knew we would be parents and adoption was always an option in our lives. We are a Christian family and we were adopted into God’s family so it was just natural to think of bringing a child into our home that we did not birth naturally rather we birthed them in our hearts and prayers. We started our adoption journey in 2008. Keep in mind that during this process we had been pursuing this for ourselves…to fulfill a desire in our hearts. We had heard of an amazing adoption agency in our area and started going through all the processes we needed to go through with them. Pre interview (passed), three day retreat on PRIDE training (done and done). Then we got home and BAM!! We both lost our jobs! As soon as the adoption agency heard this they said they could no longer work with us. Heartbroken we sat in our living room and cried. We wondered why this was happening. I had the nursery started, I had a crib, I had all these things ready to prepare for the arrival of a little boy or girl that we could love (again all for our own satisfaction). I was sad, I was distraught, I was about to give up. I decided that the best thing to do is to just keep moving forward with the end result in mind. I continued working on the nursery. Had it all done by 2009. Was all decorated ready for a little boy or girl. Then in 2010 I hit my breaking point. It was a Saturday and I was about to tell my husband to go in the nursery for me and sell everything. I just couldn’t walk in the room. I couldn’t bear to see an empty crib when I had desired to have a baby for so long.

Then the very next day we were approached by a friend at church. Someone we had known for a very long time was expecting a baby. This woman knew she would not be able to care for the baby and prayed. The Lord laid my husband and I on her hearts and we were asked if we wanted to adopt this baby. We prayed about this and sought counsel from our Pastors (which I highly recommend getting counsel from your Pastors when making big decisions) and it was decided we were going to be parents. We found out in November that this little boy was to be born in March. We started preparing. Getting our homestudy done, doing all the necessary things that needed to be done to bring this little boy home. January came and it was time for a regular visit to the doctors for our son’s birthmother. I was at work and received a frantic call from our friend from church (who happened to be birthmom’s roommate). She said that birth mom was in labor and we should get to her house. I called my husband who was on his way to pick her up, he picked her up and rushed her to the hospital and she had to sit through an entire doctors appointment. As I watched my friend go through labor during an entire doctors appointment (nutrition, midwife, social worker, etc.) I was there for her. Rubbing her back…trying to keep her calm. When she got to the midwife part of the appointment they told her she was about to have the baby and they needed to transport her to the other building. 3 hours later our little boy was born. I held him said his name and he looked at me. It was over. My desire had been fulfilled, my life was complete. But as I learned. This adoption wasn’t for me.

Our son is 5 now. He prays with all the strength that a grown man prays. He cares for me and his dad when we are not feeling well. He is smart and mature for his age. I love him, he is mine, but when I look at him and hear the things he says I realize I was not put into his life. He was put into mine. This miracle child was given to my husband and I so that we could see Jesus’ love in such a real way. He gave us a gift of parenthood to help us learn discipline to be more responsible and compassionate towards other people.

I felt our little family was complete, we had our child that we had desired for so long, but boy was I in for a surprise. In July of 2013 we were approached by a birthmother that was in Jail. She was looking for a family that wanted to adopt her unborn baby (she was about 4 month pregnant at the time). We went and visited her in the jail. Talked to her about the Lord told her that even if she didn’t choose us we would help support her in any way we knew how. We were sincere we wanted to help her. We weren’t out to “get” this baby. We were there to help a woman who was in need of help. We were chosen to adopt this baby, but again this adoption was not for us.

Our little girl is now 2 years old. She was born 12/23/13. She has had some medical issues throughout her short life. She was a preemie, she had a cleft palate (in other words she didn’t have a roof to her mouth), and she had some breathing issues. 31 days in the NICU and she was home with us then admitted back to Seattle Children’s for more issues, but now she is a thriving 2year old with a smile that can light up a room. This child could have been perfect (no issues) and any family would have jumped right into adopting her, but she had some issues, she wasn’t perfect. She was put in our life for a reason. She has taught me compassion, patience and she has taught me I am a lot stronger than I thought I ever was.

God did not adopt us into our family because we are perfect. He didn’t bring in children that were unblemished, didn’t have baggage or weren’t hurt in the past. He asked those that were brokenhearted, weary, hurting and depressed. Those that have been abused in the past (or present). Those that have given up on life. He doesn’t want perfect people. God is more than perfection. He helps us get past our imperfections and guides us to a glorious journey of life.

This is why adoption wasn’t for us. It was for the glory of God. It was for showing love to others that may not have otherwise gotten it. It was for showing a physical example to others what it means to be adopted into God’s family. Sure adoption wasn’t for us. It was meant for everyone!

–Beth