(fun music) - Hello America, I'm
Matt Stool, CEO of Juul, the makers of America's
favorite electronic cigarettes. We have recently come under fire for our advertisements
targeting young children and as the face of this company, I just want to tell you, we are so sorry. We would never market to the developing brains
of America's future. Because bottom line
that's what children are. They're our future. So as a special apology, we'd
like to issue all Juul users a free pack of our expanded flavors. That means you get cherry berry unicorn, blue raspberry rainbow, and Minecraft. (tongue clicking) Cut, cut cut cut. Minecraft? That's a game. What the hell? What would Minecraft taste like? - [Cameraman] It taste earthy. - Oh (beep). I have never seen blue raspberry marketed to anyone over the age of 10. - [Cameraman] I like blue raspberry. - No you don't. I think children barely
like blue raspberry. Oh boy. You gotta dump it. You gotta dump all of it. Yeah all my Juul stock. I don't care partially vested is fine. We got maybe less than a week. (throat clearing) Hold on, sorry. We at Juul know that
adults love our product but don't want the hassle of
keeping their e-cigarettes away from kids. Which is why Juul owners can now receive our special Juul carrying case. It's got plenty of space
for you Juul device and up to four Juul pods
with enough room leftover for a sandwich and a milk carton. It's a (beep) lunch box gang. Anyone disagree? - [Cameraman] It's A Juul carrying case. - Yellow, red, pink, green, blue, black. Those are the exact colors
of the Power Rangers. We want adults to use this. What adult in their right mind is going to put their Juul pods in a brightly colored lunch
box next to a carton of milk? - [Cameraman] I use that for myself. - You use this as a Juul carrying case? - [Cameraman] Yeah. - Cool, show it to me. Show me yours, that you use. - [Cameraman] My kid took
it to school by accident. - Your child took it
to school by accident? What ever did he think it was? - [Cameraman] A lunch. - That's what I'm (beep) talking about. The things got (beep) lunch. We're also happy to
announce our first foray into long form content with
the release of our new show "Just Juul" about a hapless
guy who runs a Juul shop. Okay, that's not actually that bad. So not only is this a children's cartoon, but we are flagrantly ripping off Pokemon. That's Pikachu. Squirtle, Bulbasaur, Charmander. And the exact font. That's a child. - [Cameraman] Technically,
he's 475 years old. - Then why did you draw him like this? Do you understand how (beep) we are? Pulling this (beep) with this government? We'd be all better off
committing war crimes than this level of copyright infringement. Why are they (beep) making bedroom eyes? If we (beep) with Pikachu it's our (beep). Why only inhale Juuls when
you can wear Juul too? Check out our new line of backpacks and each one comes with
a free Juul device. This is a child's backpack. - [Cameraman] That's an adult backpack. - Look at me and say what you said. - [Cameraman] Adult backpack. - You're never walking again. - [Cameraman] What are you doing? - Now for the advance Juul smoker, we want to introduce
our new Juul spinners. Now you can suspend up to five
different Juuls in mid-air so the flavor train never ends. This is for babies. I feel like the flavor
train might end, gang. When little kids get the
popcorn lung in their soft, little squishy lungs and their dad feel like that's the last
stop on the flavor train. Honk honk. What happened to this country? They're hard to get. Also make sure you check out
our first branded Juul book. Sleek black case? This is actually, this
is are actual brand guys. This is great, okay. Check our our first-- - Save up your allowance for Juul pods. - We're monsters. - Hey it's Tao, if you like College Humor and want to support us,
sign up for dropout. For the low price of
a small bag of catnip, you'll get videos like
this a whole week sooner, to chat with us live
in the dropout discord, and get exclusive content
like dimension 20. - There are no stupid Christians. - Are you my freaking dad? (laughing) - Sign up for your free
trial unless you hate fun. Which if you do, come
to my party on Saturday. It won't be fun at all.
As found on Youtube
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