Dear Steemfriends,
I guess this is a little raw plea to any of you that might have a solution or advice to what to do about my sensitivity. Is it just who I am? Is there a cure? Is it just something I embrace as part of my complex, vibrating, alive is-ness? Is anxiety always going to rattle my bones?
https://ipfs.busy.org/ipfs/QmZgmY88KKyMj5wdEVv9rkTH9W3f5i31GKratMrrSyZmRt
Melbourne Street Art
As a kid, I’m told, overexcitement would see me running in circles and being a little bit overwrought. Nothing unusual – all kids do this. You know the story – no red cordial or loud music before bed time, or you won’t sleep (not that Mum would ever give me red cordial!). It seems I’ve got to this phase of my life where I’m peeling off the onion layers of self-ness and realise these layers have always been there, since childhood. So I’m looking down these corridors of my self hood stretching back through the years and wondering – is oversensitivity and overstimulation something so deeply chemical or embedded in my tissues that it’s going to either take a lot of work to get over it, or will I just have to bear it, like one bears a broken arm, or a backache?
https://ipfs.busy.org/ipfs/QmUryFks1ofjevSBB9LbfoQB21YycE2rMfDs8rLbNcpQYt
Fitzroy Street Art (Melbourne)
Today I drove up from the coast for a meditation conference in Melbourne, and I’m finally in my Air BnB and I’m wired - ironic, huh? For being with a bunch of meditators talking about meditation all day? The drive up was hard – a lot of traffic, peak hour drive in the city, all senses alert for trams and lights and other cars and trying to figure out where I was going, where I was parking, where the university was, where the foyer was, where the lecture was, what lecture or workshop or panel to choose. And there’s so many people, and noise, and I start getting uber anxious – the familiar flutter in my heart, my palms sweaty, pulse racing – all cells vibrating at a speed that makes me feel ill. And I do realise the irony of it, and I’m super aware of it because I’ve been here before, and unlike childhood, I recognise it. I’m telling myself ‘breathing in, I breathe in, breathing out, I breath out’ and I’m desperately wishing I had a Valium (which I won’t do anymore) or a portal into another universe where I wasn’t this anxious vibrating being desperately wishing not to be. And the more I feel it, the more I sense it, the more frustrated and angry at myself I get. I can be my harshest critic, and knowing this makes me feel even more critical.
And yes, I’m so aware that these are layers and layers of conditioning and it’s by wrestling with that that the layers will eventually peel away, and underneath that is calm and ease and pure is-ness, but the layers are sticking and it’s like trying to get paint off with every thinner and scraper you’ve got but scraping your knuckles bloody in the process and still having thick and stubborn layers of paint ingrained into the bricks of the house you call your body.
This little unveiling of this present moment, that feels not so present as it extends into hours, days, weeks, may come as a suprise to some of you. Yet most of us or many of us are led to meditatitive, yogic practices precisely because we have experienced trauma, anxiety, stress. And it's not a cure all. It helps enormously. It helps with the bigger picture. It helps us be better people. But it doesn't make us instantly perfect, calm, zen beings.
I know this moment will pass. I'm just struggling through some big bubbles of anxiety that make me want to reach out to y'all. Because I know I am not the only one. So hello, beautiful suffering beings. I am with you. I feel you. Big, big hugs.
It is easier when I break out of the cloistered space of the lecture halls and into the night. I love the bustle of the city on my terms, in the dark, on my own. I love walking through the streets, people watching, the bars and cafes. It's vibrant and alive and beautiful. I stop in at the takeaway version of the Vegie Bar on Brunswick Street, Fitzroy and enjoy a warm and comforting dahl and some sweet potato chips, peruse the bookshop, flick through vinyl in the music shop. I have space to breathe, and be in my own thoughts. I have gentle distractions and no demands to perform, react, create, interact. I don't make eye contact with the clerk when I buy a record.
In the Air BnB I force myself through rounds of Nadi Shodhana, drink a chamomile tea I'd liberated from the conference and run through the checklist of all the things I need to get out of this funk.
Maybe I just need St John Wort, and all the other herbal allies that assist me in life. Because right now, meditation is just not helping, although I know it will help in the long run. Those layers of old paint have gotta flake off eventually. Even writing about it and connecting to you all helps a little. Thanks for the steempills.
Dear Steemians - what would you do? How does anxiety impact your life?
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In case the others don't see your question, CBD oil is one of the active compounds in cannabis. THC, the one that gets you high, being the other one.
The tricky bit can be distinguishing between what is an innate characteristic and what is caused by something that can be changed. It may be that when you have striped away a lot of layers, you are still a very sensitive human being. But hopefully also a resilient one, that has multiple ways to cope.
As you already know, foods (even some healthy whole foods) can cause physical reactions, and mental/emotional ones as well. Or at the other end of the scale, if your food range is limited, you might be looking at deficiencies, so you can't build enough neurotransmitters. Environmental toxins can be an issue. Not so easy to deal with. This post may help: https://steemit.com/health/@kiwideb/do-depression-and-anxiety-always-need-medical-treatment-i-say-no-part-1
If it's more emotional stuff from the past, meditation is wonderful but there are other things that can be added to it to get quicker results - part 2 of my post here https://steemit.com/health/@kiwideb/do-depression-and-anxiety-always-need-medical-treatment-i-say-no-part-2
Since then I've come across something that can work even faster. Look up Havening on Youtube.
If you're impacted by other people's energies, this post might help https://steemit.com/emotions/@kiwideb/if-we-open-ourselves-up-to-be-connected-can-we-still-protect-our-own-energy
I dont feel like I have resilience or coping strategies right in the middle of it. But i know I do.
Thanks for all these.. im going to read it all. I appreciate your kindness into reaching out with advice.
I suspected CBD was medical cannabis. I could do with a jug right now.
🧡🧡🧡
I feel for you. My daughter is suffering from severe anxiety. We are trying a combination of CBD oil, ashwaganda, and kava kava with some success. Its hard to get her to take anything though, since anything that tastes funny or feels funny in her mouth is a no go.
If she would take all three reliably, I think we would have a winner. :)
Hope that's helpful!
It is. Your compassion in the form of a thoughtful response is immeasurably helpful. Sometimes us anxious folk feel alone so its always good to experience reminders that we aren't. I hope your daughter finds a way to live her anxiety. Im being reminded of strategies at this conference which I will share too. Withuania is a good one for me too. Im going to go to the naturopath next week to help get me back on track. Thanks for commenting .. so appreciated.
Best of luck! I hope your naturopath can help you get some relief!!
Looking forward to hearing what works for you!
I don't know if your anxiety has the same source as mine, but to speak from my experience in case it helps....
The earliest stories my family tells of me is of pulling me out from under tables, sinks, and stairwells. Out from behind doors and reclining chairs. Out of any small space I could find to crawl into. They tell the stories as something funny, but I actually remember many of those times, even though I was so young I hadn't even started school yet. I crawled into those small spaces because no one else was small enough to get in with me. I just wanted to be alone.
I've spent my life cultivating a life environment that allows me that solitude in much bigger more beautiful spaces, but same idea. Why? Because whenever I'm around others I'm such a strong empath that I pick up all THEIR anxiety! The thing is, they're so adjusted to that tense, aggressive feeling that they don't consider it anxiety. It's just being alert to them.
To me, the vibe of the forest or ocean is what I call normal. That's what health feels like, and anything else my entire body rebels. It won't play along. It won't pretend this sick society is normal.
Now there are some good things about this extra receptivity once one learns to interpret their constant "channeling" of those around them. For one thing, I was an amazing psychotherapist! I could correct a misdiagnosis quite reliably, because I felt what the client was feeling and knew how to interpret my own experience accurately. I also had learned by then how to tell the difference between my experience and someone else's that I was merely experiencing. It sounds like you still need to learn that.
But there is so much good to it. There was even a period of a few weeks once when I could heal people just by looking at them, that's how deep my compassion was, while still being firmly grounded in a fundamental truth of perfection (everyone's perfection).
All the chemical coping mechanisms, hey, if you have to in order to get through the day. It became very important to me at one point to remove any and all chemical coping devices, including caffeine, marijuana, and other "natural" remedies. I was determined to develop the capacity to work with my energy from a spiritual perspective. That has worked, but it is still important for me to live apart from other humans and surrounded by nature, so some might say it hasn't worked, if one thinks such a life isn't good. Personally, I'm quite happy.
I think over time you'll balance out the different factors in your life so that you are able to have the necessary resilience for meeting all that extra information you're picking up on that quite frankly doesn't all feel good. It's for you to decide what that balance is that's a happy one for you.
The title on the post had me ready to extol the virtues of yoga and meditation in my life, yet your post quickly made it clear that they were old news to you. 😎
My experience is that anxiety can oft times be the result of wanting things to be different. Perhaps meditating on acceptance may be a good starting point?
Namaste. ✌💛
@novacanadian... thanks for your kind words. Im being reminded today that I must live the entire mandala... so I think you are definitely advising well there.. thanks. Its such an intense feeling in my body that its hard to welcome and greet it.
And yoga... i went to yin last night which was easier than sitting. I live love breath yoga x
I know exactly how you feel. I am the same way. Just reading the words in your post about the way your day was already made me kind anxious and it wasn't even me who had to go through that.
I am not sure it will help you, but when i get super anxious and stressed, I drink a lot of lemon balm tea and tinctures. Lemon balm calms me. And also CBD oil as @squishysquid mentioned has worked for me as well.
I really do hope you feel better. Sorry I don't have a lot of suggestions, but just want to comment to let you know that it's not easy what you are going through and I know just how you feel.
I appreciate you commenting more than you could know. I have to get onto your tinctures! What is CBD oil?
cannabis oil
Sending you love @riverflows and taking that broken arm reference very, very personally! haha. Chronic anxiety would suggest chronic magnesium deficiency. Your body cant use magnesium properly without enough D3, B1, B6, selenium and Vit E. I have a profoundly bipolar client here in Chiang Mai who literally sprays magnesium chloride HOURLY to offset manic bouts and who has successfully halved his lithium usage with it. Sending hugs... you got this! x
Thanks so much. I have been thinking about mag alot since we talked last. So if i took it with a mega activated B maybe @artemislives? None of this feels normal. Reaching out!
Mag supplements are notoriously poorly absorbed. A soak or spray far more effective, along with improving your natural vit B foods. Organic eggs cover all bases to support mag absorption - we literally eat maybe 20 a week between the 2 of us.
Google "magnesium anxiety" & be prepared to be amazed. :) And KNOW you are supported. x
I do feel that in this community. Mag anxiety makes sense @artemislives! Im going to read about it now instead of listening to this lecturer waffle on her pithy platitudes.
Actually i just walked out. I do take mag every day... maybe absorption is key.
bioavailability is everything!! sooooo many supplements just go down the toilet. natural foods as much as possible... Feel yourself hugged, girl! :)
i TOTALLY understand river! For me meditation is impossible unless ive either sang or chanted before hand.. running hard comes a close third! Chanting is a miracle worker for me though, as it seems to clear the path and drop me into a much deeper silence..
big hugs.. we are what we are ;=)
Oh my gosh I discovered chanting two years ago and agree. Its the same for me with yoga. I have to do something else to bring me in first ... I totally thing this cpuld help me a little today.. at least whilst i figure out the physiological stuff too. Thankyou!!!!
yep! lets get our chant on!! ;-) <3 the only way is Up.
If you drink coffee reduce or stop as it causes anxiety. Ditto for smoking.
Normal black tea can help with or without milk.
Try and arrive at appointments half an hour early. Boredom is a great way to kill anxiety.
When you have the world closing in on you ask yourself what is one small thing you can do just for yourself. For me this is sometimes just taking my hair out of its plait.
Be patient with yourself. This is the hardest part. What you felt at the meditation conference was completely normal. It was a strange, busy and unfamiliar place where you were expected to be certain places at a certain time. Acknowledge this and focus on the positives that came out of the experience. Did you learn a new technique? Meet amazing people? Have fun?
Oh my gosh, definitely had to quit coffee - and I quit smoking years ago. Thanks for your advice, and kindness, really appreciated. It was really hard to focus on anything at the conference to be honest, and I couldnt talk to anyone as I was too out of sorts. It was really super intense. But I did come away with some ideas and thinkings that were good, thanks xxx It's always good to focus on the positives, I agree, and I'll never stop doing things even if I get anxious, because I refuse to let this get me down. x
That's a great attitude to have and I hope things get easier for you.
I think when you're a sensitive person it is easy to become overstimulated, but try not to think you need to change yourself in any way. For me, it's all about self-acceptance and believing my emotions are my body trying to tell me something. You explain on what terms you do enjoy the city and for whatever reason the conference part is causing you anxiety--perhaps because it is another group telling you you're going about things all wrong and yet, you do know what works best and feels best for you. I'd say, trust yourself. Maybe, you'd rather do something else, feel more meditative perusing the records and going for a lone city walk?
Hope you're feeling more at ease. (((HUGS)))
Thanks so much. I decided to leave the conference. I wasnt gaining alot anyway. You are right.. meditation can be better in other situations. Im going to get zen and pull weeds today, eat well and breathe, and book in to see the naturopath next week. Thanks for your comment xxx
Oh and its my body trying to tell me something for sure, feel like im more anxioys trying to figure out WHAT.... !!!
I hear you!
Glad you left and that you're taking good care of yourself. I'm thinking of doing my own chakra meditation now in order to see what my inner wisdom might be wanting to tell me as I woke up anxious in the middle of the night :/
Oh dear! That spunds like a good idea. I had a zen and the art of weed maintenance in the sunshine which helped a little. Chakra meditation sounds good. I know that anxiety brings everything wayyyy up when we most need grounding. Thats why it was good to get my hands in the earth..
I think you will always be a sensitive person, it's your super power and it gives you access to other worlds. There will always be at least some small tendency toward quiet places and wide open spaces. That's called being a sane human who is in touch with life.
From my experience the anxiety of being hyper sensitive can be healed to an extent. In part it is healing the body, and dropping the unnecessary intakes. In part it's healing the hidden psychology, and embedded emotion. Or it could just be transcending and meditating beyond all of it.
I feel for you and what you're saying river, and in my own way I know a similar struggle with feeling overwhelmed or overstimulated by a strange synthetic world.
Much Love and Blessings, thank you for sharing so honestly ❤
@phillyc i was sincerely hoping you would read and respond, so much so I nearly tagged you. It does me good to know I have a kindred spirit across the way. Thanks so much. Its remarkablr how clearly you see me. Much love 🧡💛
You already have a lot in your arsenal you've discovered. So good for you! I also deal with a lot of this, part from being on the austism spectrum, and part from Lyme disease.
I am nowhere near as severe it looks like. I mostly avoid overstimulating things if I can, and if I can't, I plan ahead for decompression/rest afterwards.
And regarding the magnesium thing, I can say it has great validity. I've also found the spray of a good quality magnesium oil works far better and faster than oral supplements.
But be careful using it. It stings a lot on injured skin and mucus membranes and eyes...
I also eat a lot of highly nutritious organic eggs that I raise myself. I think that ingesting the magnesium carrier (eggs, greens, etc) is a far better way to utilize the magnesium than supplements. I think something is lost when a supplement is isolated from its carrier.
But the magnesium oil spray has been the best for me.
Ah i have heard the spray can work better for some. Im going to try it. Plus, a good excuse for eggs on toast with greens this morning... at least a nice Sunday brekky might cheer me up. Lyme disease... that must have been tough. X
I have always been sensitive, and had anxiety symptoms with obsessive tendencies way back when I was a kid - all fear based problems. Fear comes from profound love, and not wanting to lose what we love. There is also a generic predisposition in my family.
I've been down the road of believing I was deficient in something, spending lots of money on supplements, etc. For me it never helped. It gave me something else to worry/obsess about.
I recently weaned my daughter, dealt with the hormone changes, and now back to my pre-pregnancy self and I'm seeing how much hormones screw with my anxiety. Ovulation and PMS have a consistent pattern. Hormones are assholes. Have you looked at where you are in your cycle?
I'm embracing the fact that I can react how I want to in regards to my sensitivities. I think it is our life's burden - everybody has one - but that it certainly can be managed.
Yeqh I guess Im finding out HOW to manage it... looking for a solution, hence why asking here. Hormones are terrifying and i think hence St Johns Wort... not just a month cycle but a lifecycle stage thing perhaps, like post pregnancy. Its not pleasant but as you have all remminded me, there are ways to help. I just need to find them. Thanks so much for your comment..
That really sucks and sounds like tough journey there! Very ironic the meditation meetup story. Sounds like totally the wrong signals coming in from everything outside of that!
i dont really have anxiety just an irrational fear of hights on manmade structures...not on mountains, but one there is a tower on the mountain I wont enter it.
I dont really try to beat it I honestly say, I am in acceptance of it, call it the easy way..but it functions perfectly fine
Id definitely say that fear has a bloody good function!!!! 🧡😂
A couple of years ago, I had 4 different psychological diagnoses, severe clinical depression and panic disorder were two of them. I am fine now, all good happy and shiny but anxiety remained as my faithful companion. She is always there, somewhere in the back. It is not as severe as it used to be but when I think about how I was before, I am happy and satisfied that anxiety is everything that is left. Even with anxiety, I consider myself happier than 99% of people I know :D I know how to handle it and I know what to do with it. When it comes, I talk to myself and quickly find the reason for it and then focus on solving the problem. Much love to you 💚
Thanks babe. So glad you found a way out. Im talking to it alright... starting to feel convinced its physiological and the mind is making that worse... I know Ill come out but its very intense right now.
I started getting better when I finally realized that I am not my brain. Brain is an organ, if I am not my kidney, I am not my brain :) I am that behind my brain that can control my brain and influence my synapses. Hang in there honey, it will get better, it always does 💚
This too shall pass.
What Im grappling with is the parts of my brain I cant control, like the amygdala. And beginning to think my adrenals. Ah its such a complex system. Appreciate the 💛, dear @zen-art x
man... balls of anxiety. sometimes I think they'll never end. No ritual of calm seems to help, even meditation. I think some people are simply REALLY sensitive and only time can help. Time in the right environment. Traveling so much, I rarely get to construct the right environment for myself in order to get back in balance. Thanks for your post.
Oh babe, you NEED a home it sounds. And here am I with one and still the anxious balls. We arent alone in this are we? Meditation isnt a calm pill thats for sure. Xxx Thanks for stopping by, I appreciate the solidarity in this suffering!!!!!
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 XOXO
Fasting strips you away to your bare essentials. It definitely has stripped away my psychological drama. I haven't felt any of my neurotic crap since I started over a week ago. https://steemit.com/spirituality/@brightstar/2s4nne3h
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