This is my first post for @comedyopenmic and I got nominated by @josediccus in his post here. Truth to be told, I don't consider myself to be "the funny guy" and definitely not in English. It's another story in Swedish as that's my native tongue. However, I just couldn't stay away from this now when I got nominated so I thought I'd share something I previously have shared... With some tweaks obviously as I'm all for original content.
"Hello Sir."
You have probably experienced that someone totally random sends you a message on Discord. I get a handful of messages on a daily basis. Often from new users to Steemit...
I don't know if it's due to my involvement in the @asapers, my reputation or the fact that I've been here for 2 years. Perhaps it's due to the fact that I often invite people to join Discord and/or to send me messages in case they're in need of any help.
Just to clarify before going further: @EviLDoLLTV is my alternative account.
Now, this story is a bit old as I told you previously, but some people still think this is one of the craziest (funniest?) things that have happened on Discord. So far. - So I'll just share it with you so you can decide for yourself.
First of all, I'm seriously annoyed of being called a sir. I know this is something polite, but sir doesn't suit me at all. I'm just a random, rather humble and slighty "retarded" dude from Sweden. I'm not mentally retarded and I don't have any brain malfunctions, but I usually call myself "retard" or "retarded" because I'm not like all the "normal" people out there in the world. Anyhow, this started out like most other conversations on Discord.
- You can see it for yourself:
So, even though I was being called a sir in the first sentence, I stayed positive and polite. As the benefactor of the @asapers, I need to stay positive for as long as I can. I've also often referred to myself as a support pillar too, so I need to be what I claim to be... And truth to be told, I am raised in a way to be polite and show (have?) good manners, so it's nothing unusual. I am who I am. Period.
So, this message quickly turned out to have been sent from a so called: beggar or taker.
I usually try to stay away from such people, because that type of behaviour is pretty much the opposite from how I operate and function myself. However, I couldn't just ignore this person and leave them with nothing, so I did what I usually do in situations like this. I tried to help and to provide something of value.
It's crystal clear by now, that this person wasn't really that satisfied with my answer. This user was looking for something else. Some magical answer to how to become rich and famous... Or whatever. I don't know.
So, instead of asking me the same question again, this person did something else.
This person claimed to have been scared to message me... The only thing that goes around in my head is: "why message me at all, if you're scared?" - I still haven't come up with a decent answer for that question.
I think it's like this though:
They know that what they are doing is bad. They know that people hate beggars... But they continue to do this, because it somehow works. Someone will at some point upvote them.. And that's the reason for them to take the risk.
- It's the only logical reason I can think of.
Went From Scared To Making A Request:
I am friendly. You can see me as your pillar of support, as a motivator or someone that inspires you. You can see me as a teacher, a leader or a role model. See me as whatever you want, but don't expect us to be close friends... Because that won't happen.
The fact is, that even if I wanted to, it's impossible for me to be close friends with all my followers or my readers. It's impossible for me to be best friend with all the people I help or talk to. It's impossible and that's not because of me... It's because of life and how we humans are.
I see all my followers, readers and Steemians as co-workers and friends. That's for sure. But I do have some Steemians I know better than others and I consider them to be more of a friend to me than others... There are limited spots for really good friends. Just like a family. You can't have 43 moms and 64 dads.
Imagine how that birth would've looked like. People running around with an arm here and a leg there. That wouldn't work out well.
But, like I said. I do see everyone as a "friend" or a co-worker... Because we are. We are colleagues. We're creating something here. Together. All of us.
So even though I don't know your first name, your middle name or when or where you're born... I still consider myself to be friendly.
We continued to chat a little bit...
Until things got weird...
I haven't heard a word since that day.
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What's The Craziest Conversation You've Had With A Total Stranger?
Entry for #comedyopenmic, Round 23:
https://steemit.com/comedyopenmic/@comedyopenmic/comedy-open-mic-comedy-contest-round-23
Rules can be found here
I nominate @lynncoyle1 and @insideoutlet for this challenge.
Welcome to comedyopenmic @hitmeasap,
You submitted a funny and intriguing original story. The first few comedy posts I made here were also about Steemit and interactions with spammers, but the conversation you shared was unique and contained a startling punchline.
This is the first time you ever met the person. Can you imagine having the same conversation at a bus stop with maybe a beggar?
In brief:
Beggar: "Hello I'm not like other beggars. I just want to be your friend."
Man: "That's feasibly impossible."
Beggar: "You never know. Maybe I can help you stop masturbating."
I've been stopped with this one:
"Do you know God is a woman? I can show you."
Thank you @mineopoly, I appreciate it. :)
Haha, I'd love to see something like that happen in real life. Creepy and weird, but still very funny. :D
Oh... wow... this almost never happens. My face is red and I'm laughing out loud.
Haha :D
hahaha Best Discord conversation ever !!! :)
I just saw that you nominated me too! Damn you haha (By the way, did you ever see my "pussy post" that I did for comedy open mic?)
Yup, your pussy is looking fine lynn. Don't worry about it. I got it all covered... I've actually been on it multiple times... Haven't you noticed? lol! :D
This whole pussy-thing is really awkward, but funny as hell. :D
hahaha awkward but really funny!! And Ron Burgundy knows awkward and escalation haha
Well, didn't expect things to escalte that quickly! And just for a second, I thought you guys were just about to become friendly-ish with each other. Lool But yeah, message received, never be quick to befriend internet randoms.
Personally, I've only had such interactions a few times but they usually just disappear, once I ignore them. And it doesn't usually take them long to do so, which is normal considering my wallet and influence. Guess there are always perks and downsides to any lifestyle. lol
Cheers for the pleasnt read :)
Posted using Partiko Android
Haha, thank you for your comment, I appreciate it. Well, the size doesn't matter... Or does it? :D
In terms of the wallet size on Steemit, I totally believe you'll end up with far more weirdos compared to people with less Steem. That's a fact. - I just wonder why I got contacted by this masturbation-stopper to begin with. :D
😂😂 who knows. In all fairness though, it's not just on steemit, even in offline life people tend to want to get closer(or too close) to the ballers... It's just the way it is. smh Enjoy your day s*r :)
Yeah.. That's true. It's easier to be greedy, selfish, a beggar or a taker online though, due to the anonymity. I mean, can you imagine someone telling you what I heard on Discord in real life? - A total stranger you meet in a store or whatever? :D
Man, honestly I think I would flip, or punch him, probably both. But yeah I do get what you mean, its easy to feel tough or untouchable on the internet and some people will take advantage of it.
I'm still wondering how your friend expected the conversation to go tho and how it would lead to him getting upvotes😂😂
Hahahaha oh my gosh thats really weird!!!
Haha yeah.. It's hard to respond to something like that. :D
Haha that was great, loved the surprise ending. You can’t make this kind of story up 😂
Thank you! :)
Well, that was cut short. I would have been creeping their profile for months waiting for that post. Did you tell them to write a post about it and get some upvote love on it?
I haven't said a word after this and that's because I'm not sure that I would want to continue to have conversations with this person.
I can't even imagine what would come after this... :D
I wouldn't want to be friends with that guy if I would have to stop masturbating.
As we all know, especially male masturbation can prevent prostate cancer. Why would you want a friend who wants you get cancer?
I totally agree! - Fuck cancer. Never stop to masturbate! :D
Welcome to COM sir. I would have ignored the person at the start. He/she seems to have some very odd encounters with strangers!
Haha, thank you very much. Yeah, well.. I just can't ignore people. :D
Welcome here buddy @hitmeasap I'm glad I invited the truth about your entry is that's it's so realistic and beautiful I think you should always take a shot at it, It well written being that it's your first time, I love it 😂😂😂
Thank you very much @josediccus, I appreciate the nomination and I'm glad you liked my entry. :)
Anonymity over the net brings out the WEIRD AF sides of people way too quick man...
Very true!
Hello, sir.
I's retarded too, don't feel bad.
I need some money, you dig? For dolls.
And shorties.
lol. Retardness is king. I won't give you money for dolls though. ;)
Hahaha, I also get that kind of people who beg, but they have never told me that kind of thing. I think he saw something in you. xD
It was the first time for me as well... :D
thanks for the creative funny post 👌
Thanks for reading it! :)
Hi hitmeasap,
Thank you for your entry in to #comedyopenmic comedy contest. We have asked the judges below to review your entry and give it a funny rating, this will determine your ultimate position when the results are tallied.
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